Today I started my first day of It Works Greens, and I really focused on trying to eat better.
I didn't have a Dr. Pepper or coffee this morning, and to be honest I have not once felt like I needed any caffeine today--which is really impressive because lately I have been exhausted morning noon and night, even if I drink caffeine throughout the day.
I took a friend of mine to her doctor's appointments and to run a few other errands, and while I was out I took some of my Eli books and some toys to Radio MASH (a local toy drive).
The toys I bought were a train puzzle in memory of my friend's son Joe Joe, and some little crab squirt toys and teething keys in memory of Elijah.
Buying the keys made me cry.
I bought them because the morning Elijah passed away I had bought him a keyring toy because I felt bad about not taking him to Disney with me and Gabriel.
When the coroner took him away, I asked if I could give him his keys to take with him and they put them around his arm.
I got them back when we got his ashes.
I just felt like it was symbolic of Elijah and maybe some other baby boy (or girl) out there would enjoy them this Christmas because of Elijah.
This time of the year is hard, because we are always talking about what to get our other boys, and I often feel like we are leaving Elijah out.
Like, I feel like I haven't been out to his tree enough--even thought the weather has been bad and I am sure I need to go out there again to straighten it up.
I haven't been doing much with The Love, Elijah Project...
The best I have been doing are my daily acts of kindness.
I just don't know how to explain the feeling of it never being enough...
Blah....
Anyways, after my time in town I came home and went for a walk with the boys.
and After my walk with the boys, I went for a walk by myself.
It was nice to get out there and walk again, even if it was super cold.
I will have to get up kind of early tomorrow and do it again, because I have a book signing from 11:30-1:30 and then Levi will be gone to a friend's house after that all afternoon.
And then Sunday we are going out to Crowville to see Granny and hopefully get some Christmas shopping done.
Always busy....
Alright, well I am going to try to go to bed. I am craving junk food really bad and I know I don't need it. (and yes, I have drank plenty of water and ate peanut butter lol).
Good night.
Please continue to pray for our world. Pray for my family. Pray for me. And always always pray for my sweet Elijah.
Hi my sweet bat baby.
I hope you don't mind me giving another baby a keyring.
I almost feel guilty about it.
You never even got to play with yours.
I wanted to feel good about this,
but I honestly don't.
I think I just miss you so much,
maybe that is what's wrong.
It has been a hard day watching people lose the one's they love.
I love you I love you I love you.
Always
<3
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