521: Mascara

It is 10:01pm.

Okay. Monday's are not video making days. I forgot how much I have to do on Mondays.

We had library time this morning, then I had my house cleaning gig this afternoon, and then I had Zumba....

But I did start on making a video somewhere in between all the madness, so there is that. And tomorrow I will have the time to do editing and publish it to youtube. I'm not really worried about it too much. This is all a learning process, and I actually feel pretty confident that it will all go well.

But you guys, today has been a tough grief day.

I have cried several times today over random songs, or the thought of tomorrow being another Valentine's day without Elijah, or just simply because I miss him more than anything.

I cried tonight at Zumba, forgetting that I had on makeup and walked around Wal-Mart with mascara smudged under my eyes.

People were looking at me so sympathetically, and I had no idea why until I got home and looked in the mirror.

It really hasn't gotten any easier living without him. I question everything daily. I miss him all the time. And sometimes, even in the happiest moments, I long to be where he is just so I can see him again.

Tonight, I bought him a little Batman car that was on sale at Wal-Mart. I wanted to get him a book, but I didn't see anything worth buying, so I will probably order it later this week. I just needed to feel like he was included. I needed him to know that I haven't forgotten about him and that I never will.

I'm going to go get some rest. Maybe it will help me feel better.

I hope you guys are having a great night. Sending you lots of love and sweet dreams. Keep changing the world for Elijah. Love you all!

And please keep praying for our world. Pray for our country. Pray for my family. Pray for me. Pray for you! And always always pray for my sweet Elijah.

Thank you!

Hi my sweet boy.

I still don't know how we got this way,

or how we could ever deserve such heartache.

You have no idea how much we all love and miss you.

Today has been hard.

Shine down on me boogie,

I need you.

<3