Today was day one of no complaining, and I was surprised that it really came a lot easier than I thought it would be.
I have, however, felt anxiety and sluggishness quite a bit today...mainly I think because I didn't get much sleep last night.
But now here I sit crying my eyes out because I am watching a video about a couple who experienced still birth.
I have never experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth, but my heart knows the loss of a child and there is not a day that goes by where I don't miss Elijah. And now that I have met many families who have experienced such tragic losses, my heart hurts for them too.
I am fine...and I am not fine...it is part of who I am now and I have accepted that.
I miss Elijah. But I am still going to move mountains for him.
I am also so very thankful to all those who have been carrying out kindness in his name. It helps so much...you have no idea.
We leave this Sunday for The Grand Canyon and I have so much to do between now and then. I really need to get this house cleaned up and help the owners sale it. And I need to continue work on the school bus so we can get moved in as quickly as possible. But, first I need rest.
I am looking for kind ideas for our trip. Some special acts of kindness to do along the way and/or once we reach The Grand Canyon if any of you have any...
Sending you all lots of love and sweet dreams. Goodnight.
Please keep praying for our world. Pray for our country. Pray for my family. Pray for me. Pray for you! And always always pray for my sweet Elijah.
Thank you.
Oh sweet boy.
I wish I could hold you right now.
I love and miss you so much.
I was listening to an audio book while painting earlier
and the lady in it said if you want something badly enough
the Universe will find a way to give it to you.
If the Universe knew how badly I want you in my arms,
then you would have never left me.
I love you I love you I love you.
Always.
<3
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