So far the dogs seem okay. Well, Scratch seemed to have a little bit of diarrhea this afternoon, but I am hoping that is all and not a symptom of something else...since every deadly dog disease has the symptom of diarrhea. :/
Today my mom came home for "Christmas." We will be eating ham and goodies tomorrow and letting the kids open some presents with her. I can't believe Christmas is like 4 days away. I haven't even attempted to decorate the bus or really gotten to any "Christmas Spirit" at all. I'm not necessarily "Bah Humbug," because I am focusing on my upcoming Yoga teaching gig, but at the same time I'm just not as excited as I usually am about this Holiday. I am happy that my kids are extremely loved and cared for by family who always manage to spoil them. It makes things much easier on me as their parent.
I feel like I might be getting sick...Levi is kind of feeling "off" too. This could be us catching whatever funk Gabe has had these last few days. I'm not sure, but my throat is on fire, my ear is starting to hurt, and I feel yucky everywhere else. So feel free to send loving prayers and healing. We could use them.
I can't help but wonder what Elijah would want for Christmas this year? Him being three, Christmas would really be a magical time of year. So much of our lives would be so different if he was here. But comparison really does nothing but fling you backwards into a pit of despair, so I try not to think too heavily on the subject of "what might have been," too often. I try and think, what can I do for him now? How can I honor him greater? Again...that can make it hard to breathe as well, because I feel like I am far from where I wanted to be in this whole "change the world with kindness" mission. See, there is that comparison grinch sneaking up on me again....
Sometimes you just have to be who are, where you are, with whatever life hands you. I'm not sure if it sucks to think like this, or if it is an amazing insight. More or less, if you want to be happy you have to be thankful for what you have and where you are now. Dreaming is essential to move forward, but contentment is necessary for finding joy in each present moment.
What about Half Way Humbug? Can I just be there? I think that is my present moment. Somewhere in between.
I just miss Elijah so much.
Sending you all lots of love and Holiday Joy. Happy Winter Solstice!
Go change the world. Do it for Elijah.
Keep sending love sweet boy.
I saw those hearts tonight.
I see them always and know when you are near.
I miss holding you like this.
I miss kissing your toes and seeing you smile.
I miss patty cake.
I miss you.
I love you more.
Always.
<3
No comments:
Post a Comment