It's been a couple of days, and I can kind of breathe, but I still see the signs of trauma from this dog attack.
Some of you might be thinking I am dragging this thing out or seeking attention, but I didn't even let Levi go to work this weekend because I am truly scared of what our neighbor might do to retaliate for his dogs being taken--on top of the fact that I am scared to be alone because I am still shook up from the dog attack.
Yesterday and today we spotted a little red truck driving up and down our road (one we have never noticed before) driving super slow on numerous occasions. I don't know for sure if it is the guy who owns the dogs, because I do not personally know him, but we took the dogs in the bus and have not let the kids play outside all day. I am frightened and my stress level is through the roof. I am scared that this man is waiting for a time that we are not home to try and do something to my dogs. I don't even know what he might do to us.
Maybe it is all in my head, but if the red truck does belong to him, then I don't want to know what he is plotting.
I really just want to move. I don't want to start drama. I want to live in peace and breathe. And I can't do that here right now.
The night of the attack I couldn't even take a bath because I was afraid to be alone. Levi offered to come sit with me in the bathroom, but I was afraid of the kids and dogs being alone, so I just decided to go to bed without a bath.
I'm on edge and irritable. I can't focus long enough to write. I've been avoiding responsibilities because they cause unwanted anxiety. I am having trouble sleeping. I feel the rage coming back, even though I am trying my hardest to be aware of it and stay calm. I have been painting, and working on another stress relieving tactic a friend of mine taught me, but I'm still don't like the idea of being alone right now. If I had been alone when the dogs attacked, I could have been dead. If it had been one of my kids and Levi had not been there, they could have been killed. I just want to get back to a place where I can feel comfortable being by myself again, or the kids and dogs can play in the yard--or a yard somewhere.
Alright, I am exhausted physically and emotionally. I haven't been sleeping well and have been up all night lately.
Sending you all lots of love.
Go change the world. Do it for Elijah.
Thank you
I wish I knew if you would be as adventurous as your brothers.
I hope you are having loads of adventures in Heaven.
I love and miss you sweet Elijah.
Send me some love and peace.
I could surely use it.
Thank you.
Always.
<3
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