I will be 100% honest when I don't want to go back to work tomorrow.
I just can't handle reality right now. But i know nobody really cares because money doesnt have emotions and bills have to be paid.
Tonight grief is hitting me hard.
Tonight I made a mistake and thought about how I still have such a long life head of me to live and how I should feel so blessed for this, but I can't feel blessed today because I just miss Elijah too much.
Tonight I am thinking about how unfair it is that not I my have I lost my child but I am losing my health too. Tonight I thought about how unfair it is that I have to chose my thoughts so carefully and shield myself from the most simple things just so I don't fall apart.
I am losing me everyday that I give up a little bit more...
But I am trying...oh God... I try every single crappy day.
But because it is life, and life is not fair, there are always obstacles...and my biggest challenge is not to let these tiny obstacles swallow me whole.
Like today my website www.loveelijah.com just suddenly started having security issues and I have no idea how to fix it or why it does...I have put in a ticket for it...but I don't know when it will get resolved...and it is just destroying me...
I need to relax I guess, but honestly I don't know how to anymore.
Sorry to be so melodramatic, but can I just give up now? Or can I just go back?
So sorry....obviously there we're some complaints today.
I can't hold it together tonight Elijah. I am trying but everything is killing me and tomorrow I have to face reality again and it scares me. I don't want to work right now but I have to. I published "Hi Little Sunflower" to print today and ordered our first copy. I don't know when I will get it, but when I do I will be sure to write a note in your copy and read it to you often. I don't do that enough--spend time with you. I'm sorry buddy...know I love you so much. So so so much. I miss you like crazy. <3
Goodnight my boogie.
Dear Kelly, you are NOT melodramatic, but my heart goes out to you. Joey and I send much love your way and pray always for you. I know your little sunflower does too! Just like your other 3, Elijah is a real sweetie and keeps saying hello to me. You all have hart in your last name which is cool, since you are so full of love!! <3 I pray that someone can brighten your day as you did mine, with your nice blogpost! Peace, healing and comfort be with you
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