change the world

It is 10:20pm

I just had a strange conversation with Levi about the draft, feminism, and how I am ok with them not taking me to battle...lol.

I don't think feeling that way denotes the fact that I think women are some awesome badass individuals.

Listen, with the help of my husband, I made 4 lives. I carried those lives in this petite body and I would never trade my femininity for that very reason. It has been the most beautiful and bad ass journey I have ever been on.

I am proud of being a woman...but I don't want to go to war...

But to be honest. I don't want to raise boys just to know that they are going to have to go to war too...

Because, hey guess what....men are special and valuable too...(especially my little men)

Seriously can we just stop it already?

I read this book a while back...I think it was called The Power of Kindness and in it the guy talks about forgiveness. He gave this beautiful scenario where we all woke up and decided to forgive each other...and peace fell across the land.

Imagine....it is that easy.

If every person in the world woke up tomorrow and decided that they would forgive everyone...I think we would be in shock...lol. But in the best way possible.

The most effective way of changing the world is to wake up tomorrow...forgive...and love the hell out of everyone you meet.

Compassion.

Empathy.

Self love.

All of these things are more powerful than you can ever imagine...

I promised I would change the world for the better in Elijahs memory...

And to do that...it starts with me....and how I see myself--and others.

His death has touched the depths of my soul in so many new ways.

I see things so differently...or the same, but deeper.

I need to put more effort into these feelings....maybe then I will be a little bit more effective on a broader scope.

Will I stop wars from happening??? Probably not.. But who knows what I can do.

And I am not going to let the fact that I am stuck in a rut stop me.

By the way, I had a conference meeting with the kids teachers today and they are now trying to help us with getting a rental home!! So keep up those prayers...

I'm going to go eat my tiny cup of chocolate ice cream and then get some sleep.

Oh sweet boy. Stay close. Even though the fog has lifted a little, mom is still feeling the stress of everything linger over my head. I miss you so much and imagine you constantly crawling around and babbling and pulling up for kisses. How I wish it were all real. I miss you so so much.

We will change the world together kiddo. I promise you.

I love you always.

<3