maybe

It is 9:20pm.

My head is throbbing.

Gabriel gave me some sugars to make it better...
Maybe it will help.

Today I woke up drowning in tears.

I took a floating holiday and spent some time with Gabriel.

He starts kindergarten next year and now I find myself so afraid to let that happen.

I have been considering homeschooling again a lot lately....but I have to get my stuff together first.

Even with their scholarships...school has been so expensive this year and I just miss being a part of their learning experience.

Ughh...

But like I said I need to get my stuff together.

I am working on it so hard.

I have contacted so many places...and only 2 places reached out to me to say they ciouldn't help.

Now I am just entering silly contest and praying that Ellen shows up at my hotel and surprises me with some keys to a house or something...lol.

Just keep praying.

I think tomorrow we are going to look for a new place. This place is getting expensive. I'm not sure why....but it is.

It's like $50 a day after taxes and fees.

Too much.

Blahhh

I miss my Elijah.

I told Alex things Will get better earlier today...and he said "maybe"

The word maybe just about killed me.

Anyways...

It sounds like we are all having a hard time...

Just keep praying...enter me in silly contest...contact Ellen...the property brothers...someone...lol.

I will get us out of this mess somehow.

Somehow...

I just haven't figured it out yet.

Oh Elijah. I try everyday. Some days I try harder than others. Today I just didn't feel like trying. I woke up missing you, angry at the world and just scared to go on. I got out there though. I got some sunshine and time with Gabriel. He misses you so much. He has saved all sorts of candies and fruit snacks for you. I put them in your bag. I would like to think you somehow get them in heaven...even though you really aren't ready to eat these things. Have you got your first tooth yet? Do you get to do all the things like babies do here? I bet you are already standing and trying to walk. You were already scooting around in your pack and play when I still had you here.

I miss you so much and am so scared of what tomorrow brings. Each day is a challenge. Talk to the angels and ask them to help send us some love and peace... And maybe a miracle.

I just miss you so much...and then some.

I hope heaven is as wonderful as it sounds.

I love you my boogie....always.

<3