It is 9:42pm.
It is day 4 of no complaining...and just as anyone would suspect, it hasn't gotten any easier.
Work is a huge challenge because I work in a department that handles complaints, so I catch myself easily slipping into complaining with the people I am helping to make myself more relatable? I'm not sure. It is ridiculous. I need to find a more compelling and positive way to connect with the people I am helping.
Then I find that when you are trying not to complain so much, everyone around you has a lot to complain about...lol. It is hard not to get sucked in.
It takes a lot of will power. A lot of mindfulness.
I did okay today...I won't say I didn't fail, because I know I did.
Especially when it comes to complaining in my head or just slipping into the most negative assumption about something--all of this is going to take continuous work. But I hope I am making progress.
I am keeping tonight's blog short as I have to be at work at 5:45am and should probably already be asleep.
Today Levi went and got some stuff out of storage and brought back all my paper and stuff I use to make books with. In the boxes were some cards from my grandmother. She always sent us cards on Christmas and our birthdays. In fact, last year was the first birthday without a card, and it was really hard.
Anyways, I found a couple of cards with sunflowers, and I broke down in tears. I miss Elijah so much, and it is a struggle because I don't know if I want to use these cards to send to other angel mommas, or keep them for myself....but I kind of think it would probably be pretty nice to send them off...
But I think maybe, just maybe, it would make my grandmother proud.
I hope so anyways.
So many beautiful things being done out there in your memory. I am so proud of the legacy you are leaving...but mostly I just want to hold you again. I love and miss you so much kiddo. We are going to change the world. I promise. <3
Welcome to my blog. It's a bit of a mess. I'm a bit of a mess. It used to be about just kindness. Now it is about finding strength in the darkest places. Discovering love through grief. Traveling this beautiful world. And continuing to practice kindness all because of a little boy I love and miss very much. I hope you find inspiration in all my ramblings. #loveelijah
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