It is day 3 of no complaining.
I failed again...but that is really to be expected. I'm not anywhere near perfect...and it is a bad habit that is hard to break...
I still find it hard to drive and not complain...
I also find it is much easier to stop actually voicing your complaints than it is to stop yourself from thinking them.
Also, if you are around people who are always complaining, it is very hard not to cave and let all the frustrations out too...
But I am sticking to it.
From what I have been told, Jesus went to the cross without a compaint... I think I can live another 30 something days without one.
Not complaining is really about changing the way you think about things, forgiving fast and forgetting faster...
There are some things that can't be shaken...like grief. Of course I still miss Elijah with every fiber of my being every second of the day...no doubt.
But as for the rest of it-- perspective is the best word I can use to help you when you are about to complain.
Like our housing situation...at least I am able to take a bath, have somewhere warm to sleep and be with my family. All of those things are a blessing. ..there are people who are homeless...and on the streets who have none of these things.
And you know what, rock stars live in and out of hotels too...lol.
Perspective.
Today was an okay day. The weather was beautiful and work was pretty nice to me. Alex told me he was going to do at least one kind thing everyday for lent and Julien made me a Valentine's Day card at school.
There were still tearful moments...there will always be...and a piece of me will always be missing-- nothing can change that.
But the love I have for Elijah has the power to change the world...and so that is what I am working towards--everyday.
Alright--tomorrow is an early day at work. I should probably get some sleep.
Oh sweet boy.
I would give anything to kiss those little lips.
You were the perfect baby.
I guess you were too perfect for this Earth--
At least that is what they say.
I love and miss you so much.
<3
Appreciate your desire to honor Elijah by being kind to others!! God knows those of us who have lost children (we've lost two) need all the kindness we can get! We lost our first child, Zion Benjamin Fischer to an almost deadly (for my wife Carrie) miscarriage on my 43rd birthday when he was about 10 weeks old. Then we lost our daugter (Chaiah Abrielle) to miscarriage when she was only 3 weeks. We know their names and sexes because God gave them to Carrie in dreams and visions...and though I've not seen Chaiah, I did see Zion in a dream one time....it was soooo awesome!!!
ReplyDeleteWe thankfully were able to capture Zion's 6 week ultrasound on video...so we at least have one family video of one of our children. It can be viewed as the third of three videos on the video link on our web site http://zionbenjamin.org
Thanks for all you are doing!! We are also without a home of our own right now....it's a long story....but we've been bouncing between friend's houses and hotels for the last 6 months....but thankfully...we are not on the streets like so many are today!