No Complaints--day 2.

It is 9:18pm.

Today was my second day of giving up complaining for Lent.

Really it was my first full day of it --because yesterday I didn't decide on not complaining until late in the day...

It is a lot harder than I realized.

Of course I already failed, but I am getting better.

The biggest challenge I have found is answering the question, "how are you?"--oh and not complaining while driving.

There are other challenges too, and not complaining does not mean I am super happy all the time either.

Today I totally cried in my car on the way home from the grocery store while I experienced one of those "when grief attacks" moments.

I miss Elijah and even on some of the more pleasant days, my heartache does not rest. I don't believe it ever will...until I have found myself in Heaven, holding him in my arms again.

Tomorrow I picked up an extra shift to hopefully bring in a few extra dollars. At first I thought we could use the trip for a much needed vacation, but then I find myself thinking that maybe if I can just get 3 really big paychecks, somewhere would consider us for housing.

It will take a lot of really long hours to do it, and I'm not 100% sure how my mind and body will handle it...but I am willing to do anything if it will get us into a home.

I also sent off to volunteer for Meals on Wheels today. It would only be a couple hours a month, but I feel like it would be a really rewarding experience and I am actually kind of excited about it.

Well, I should probably get some sleep because tomorrow might be a long day at work.

Oh sweet boy.

Today I started to work on getting our Hi Little Sunflower book turned into a physical book.

I would only make maybe $1 from every sale, but if it meant people held it in their hands and knew my love for you, then it is totally worth it. 

I also thought it would be nice, at some point when I have figured out how to make a little extra money, to be able to mail copies to other angel mommas out there...

But one step at a time...

You know me.

I just want to do it all for you--and I want it all done now.

I want so badly to show how much I love and miss you...

And I don't know that any of what I do will ever truly be enough...

but I will keep trying forever.

I love and miss you so so so much.

<3