Always a Mother

It is 9:33pm

My anxiety has been off the charts today and my ulcer has started hurting again...badly.

I'm going to probably have to go back to the doctor...which stresses me more, because the last visit cost me over $150.

I tried to make some more cards today, but only managed to make one--which I sent off to sweet Cullin's family for his 4th birthday.

Cullin is one of Elijah's friends in heaven.

I also made a little design to post on my Love, Elijah Project Facebook Fan Page:

It is really simple, but I kind of love it.

I was thinking of making the design into a tshirt-minus the #loveelijah.

I just love the phrase "Always a mother."

There are many "invisible mothers" out there who have only experienced parenthood in the womb, or for a few moments outside of the womb, but to me--and to their sweet babies--they are always a mother. 

I want to make more designs before I commit to a "logo."

But I know I need to do something soon, because fundraising for our Art Therapy Room has kind of come to a stand still. 

Yesterday I was pleasantly surprised with a donation for Easter, even though I only asked for prayers <3

But today, I have not received anything, and I am worried that this will be a continuing trend...

So it is time to amp up the Etsy shop!

I am also going to work on a new blog for Love, Elijah and I have some other ideas I am going to introduce soon.

I am no pro, but I am trying my best...all for my Elijah.

But for now, I am going to go try and take a hot shower and relax. I need to before I get myself more sick. 

Please keep praying for me and my family, and always always...pray for my sweet Elijah!

Oh sweet sweet Elijah. I cried for you this morning. I cry everyday for you. I don't think this ever gets easier. The moments that are slightly "lighter" are just followed by milestones and holidays, and then I just sink in the waves of grief again. I miss you so much. I miss this chubby little face on my chest. I miss kissing your sweet cheeks after every burp. 

I heard 2 of our songs today. I think you were trying to tell me that it is okay. I think you were trying to give me some peace. Thank you so very much.

I love you my boogie!