First of all, I will not even try to act like I didn't complain today--
because today I did not have the strength or self control.
Today should have been Elijah's 9month milestone.
Today I should have a beautiful chunky mess of a baby smiling at me.
Today I should have a little monster that refuses to leave my arms and makes big messes everywhere.
Today I should have four children driving me crazy, instead of three here and the other in heaven.
Today should be different....
but it wasn't.
I have yet to wake up from this nightmare, no matter how hard I try.
I don't even know what more to say--other than I just miss him so much, and it is still not fair.
9 months you spent inside me.
And now it has been 9 months that you graced the world with your presence.
It is a big day for you.
I just wish you were here to share it with me.
I miss you so much my boogie.
So so so much.
I love you more and more each day.
<3
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