No Complaints: Day 23

It is 8:32pm.

Today started off pretty pleasant.

I had my acupuncture appointment at Sunshine Acupuncture with Lana and it went really well.

Lana was really friendly and explained everything and made me super comfortable. I didn't even feel the needles and it was all very relaxing. I really enjoyed it.

I even left with these little needle stickers in my ears.

After I left I noticed though that my stomach started to hurt again--much worst than it had in a while. But after I did some quick reading, I read that this might be a good thing, because it means the needles may have awoke something in it that will help with the healing...idk...it is all way over my head, but I am going to trust it for now.

Lana also suggested I take a 1/4 of aloe with some raw honey twice a day...and I don't know if you've ever eaten straight aloe vera before, but even the honey can't disguise its unique flavor. lol. But at this point, I am game to anything that could make me feel better...so I will just get use to choking it down twice a day for a little while.

After the appointment I spent my day shopping with Gabe for a few groceries, I took a nap and then headed to the boys MMA class. And oh man, were they out of control today.

I feel like since Elijah passed away, I am sometimes absent as a mother.

Like, I make sure they are fed and well taken care of--please don't worry about that. And I still take them to do things they love, because I want them to enjoy life. But I have been absent sometimes when it comes to discipline and routine...

And as I slowly try to regain my footing in these deparments, I can tell that they sometimes take advantage of the fact that I haven't been fully present, and that I have always been the "softer" parent.

I am hoping MMA will teach them a little bit of discipline.

But I am also trying to find a better stance at home for myself when it comes to disciplining them.

There are just so many factors.

I have to empathize with them a little on the fact that we move around so much and have little stability in our lives. Not only that, but they lost Elijah this year too.

So it is a big complicated ball of mess.

Not for them--they have handled it well, they are smart and know when mom is being way too relaxed with rules and behavior--this mess is more so for me.

Anyways, the kids pushed many buttons this evening, but other than that I did pretty well with not complaining today...

But I could always do better.

Oh sweet boy.

People always ask, "How do you have so many kids?"

--and it kills me.

Because without you, 

I will never have enough.

I miss and love you so much.

Shine down on me my boogie.

<3