Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Held

It is 10:53pm.

Quick question for you Angel moms, do you ever have the overwhelming urge to just hold your child? Like more than the normal day to day..

This morning I woke up worried about Elijah.

I had left his bag ( where we keep his ashes) at the studio last night and I went to bed feeling awful about it....

So this morning after the gym I had some time and I ran by the studio and I just held him (his bag).

And then later when I returned to work I felt like he really wanted me to hold him again so I picked him up and placed him (his bag) in my lap while I worked.

Maybe I just miss him....but today the need to hold him was so strong.

Maybe I need one of those grief teddy bears...the weighted ones? Do they have some where you can add you child's ashes in like a little heart to be stuffed inside? Maybe it sounds weird, but I think it would help when I miss holding him....

I don't know but my eye is twitching bad and I need to get some sleep.


Oh sweet boy...did you need me Today? I felt like you did. I am so sorry we can't be together. I love you so so much.

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