Shower The People You Love With Love

It is 9:37pm

I just got back from a little walk and am listening to some James Taylor.

This is a picture from my walk....look at the clouds...pretty amazing huh?

                                     

And this is the James Taylor song I am listening to...

I love this song.

"You can play the game and you can act out the part
Though you know it wasn't written for you
But tell me, how can you stand there with your broken heart
Ashamed of playing the fool
One thing can lead to another; it doesn't take any sacrifice
Oh, father and mother, sister and brother
If it feels nice, don't think twice

Just shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel
Things are gonna work out fine if you only will
Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way you feel
Things are gonna be much better if you only will

You can run but you cannot hide
This is widely known
And what you plan to do with your foolish pride
When you're all by yourself alone
Once you tell somebody the way that you feel
You can feel it beginning to ease
I think it's true what they say about the squeaky wheel
Always getting the grease.

Better to shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel
Things are gonna be just fine if you only will
Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel
Things are gonna be much better if you only will

Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel

You'll feel better right away
Don't take much to do
Sell you pride
They say in every life
They say the rain must fall
Just like pouring rain
Make it rain
Make it rain
Love, love, love is sunshine.
Oh yes
Make it rain
Love, love, love is sunshine
Yeah, all right
Everybody, everybody
Shower the people you love with love"

If I should die before anyone reading this, I want this song played at my funeral...or memorial..or whatever....not to be morbid...I just really want to leave on a positive note when I go.

Anyways, today I was restless. 

I am impatient. I just want this huge change to happen over night...and I constantly have to remind myself that this is not an easy task and that it will take time.

I think that we all feel that way with the big things in life.

And what's funny, at this time last year I was restless and anxious just to get Elijah out of my giant belly and into my arms...

Elijah, I wasn't around a lot for you. I was trying to keep your brothers busy and let them have their fun. I have struggled to connect with each of you in the first few months. I was working so hard on trying to write and promote stupid books when I should have been holding you and cherishing every moment... but those books were supposed to help me stay home with you. Those books, in my dreams, were going to turn everything around and make our family finally have our golden moment...

Now I sit here hoping you know just how much I regret the time I didn't spend with you. I regret leaving you that day, not because I feel like it would have saved you, but because it was just another time I could have included you and I didn't. 

I hope you know that I love you so much. I hope you see it everyday in everything I do for you...but I hope that when you were with me you felt it too, because oh my God I love you and your brothers more than anything I have ever loved before. You guys are all the best things that have ever happened to me and nothing could ever change that.

I love you I love you I love you.
Always.
<3