Sometimes I feel like people may get the wrong impression....
Like I am parading around posting all these things because I want the attention, or I want some sort of fame from Elijah's death.
I don't want anyone to think this.
I battled with this a lot in the beginning.
Kindness was already my platform and to turn it in to something about Elijah felt dirty. I struggled very hard with this.
To be honest, a lot of times I don't even post about my acts of kindness, there are so many I have done without sharing. I don't do this for my gain....I do it to help. Because this world needs help. And it hurts so much to think that there are people out there who would think something else.
I know I post a lot and I am asking for a lot. I know I am bugging you all about being on Ellen...but like I said before, it is not about me...it is about Elijah...and it is about how much I just want to be able to help.
I cannot explain the desperation in my soul to just give and then turn around and give some more. I don't know what it is, or what makes me feel like I need to do it, but I do...and I promised Elijah that I would change the world for him.
That promise drives me to breaking points. That promise pushes me out of my comfort zone everyday. That promise makes me try things that some people would consider crazy.
I have had a passion for people--always.
But losing Elijah, and feeling that pain...it just makes me feel so much more empathy and compassion and heartbreak. And until I have reached the entire world with his love...it just won't be enough.
And to be quite honest, even when we have reached the entire world, it may never be enough, because none of it will put him back in my arms.
So, yes, maybe I come off like an attention hog...maybe I am asking a lot from you all...but I promise it is not about me, nor is it ever about me.
It is about Elijah. It is about the other mothers and fathers who have to walk through this Hell. It is about all of the people out there who walk through other types of Hell and fight daily battles. It is about the dreamers. It is about the doers. It is about you....because if I could, I would give you all an exceptional life, and I sincerely mean that.
Thank you for your support and understanding.
Desperation doesn't even begin to describe it Elijah. I miss you and I am trying so very hard. I WILL make this happen and I will tell your story. I will love you forever and I will change the world for you. I will fight. I will kick. I will scream. I will do whatever it takes and no one and nothing could ever stop that. You are so important to me and I don't know if I will EVER be able to reach a point where I will be satisfied for the legacy I have left for you. But I will die trying because it is all that I have left of you.
I love you my boogie and I miss you so so so much.
<3
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