Today was the first time I have held a baby since Elijah's passing.
It was totally unplanned, and I really didn't have time to think about it.
There was a little girl at the playground who was probably 18 months old or so, and she got away from her family and found the steps where I was sitting (these steps lead straight up to a busy road and there is no guard rail to keep children from just running out there).
She started to toddle up the steps next to me and as she passed me I knew she wasn't stopping, so I quickly scooped her up in my arms, and placed her on my hip as I walked her back down to safety.
Her parents, as you could imagine, were very thankful...
I didn't really process any of this until after we left the playground and headed home, and then the flood of emotions came over me.
Some good, some bad--it was a big moment for me.
I think I am still processing it hours later.
Well, it is late and I am tired. I have been cleaning houses all day again today. I hope you are all having a wonderful evening and I really do love you all. Thank you so much for reading.
Please keep praying of our world. Pray for our country. Pray for my family. Pray for me. Pray for you! And always always pray for my sweet sweet Elijah.
Thank you.
My sweet boy.
I have been so honest about my feelings so far,
and it is hard to admit--
that out of all the good emotions that came from "saving" that little girl today
I still have that nasty lingering of thought of, "why couldn't I save you?"
Of course I did not want any harm to come to her!!!
I only wish I could have saved you too.
I love and miss you so much.
Always.
<3
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