I gave up Dr. Pepper for like the 100th time today, and now I can not stop eating.
Oh my gosh. I want to eat EVERYTHING.
I am not giving it up for weight loss. I am giving it up because I have been in a really bad depression lately and today I was thinking of what I can do to get out of it. So of course, I did some internet reading on how to get yourself out of a funk, and was reminded on how much your diet can affect your mood.
While I am not the biggest health guru out there, I started to think about how picky I am with medicine being put into my body and then I really thought about all the weird stuff that is in soda and thought maybe it is time for me to really stop drinking so much of it--because I have no self control when it comes to drinking Dr. Pepper. I literally drink one with every meal, and then sometimes more than that.
Will I finally kick the habit for good? Who knows...but right now I am willing to try and let it go if it could lead to a healthier happier me.
(P.S. I don't think that the reason I am depressed is because of Dr. Pepper).
I also made more of an effort to move around today. When I brought the kids to the playground, I walked a bit. Not quite as much as I used to, but it was something. I have been pretty sedimentary lately.
I also tried to write a little, but I struggled...which is to be expected. I know that after this past week of stressful circumstances I am not just going to bounce back into "happy" Kelly.
Sometimes it takes time to crawl out of these holes I fall into. Sometimes it is just hard.
I am scared that without a phone I am going to end up falling so far behind on my YouTube channel that I will give up on it.
And I would like to be successful with farmer's market, so of course I am worried about what we should do next...
But the amount of stress both of these things are bringing to me is nothing compared to the emotional roller coaster I have been going through since that first trip to the ER with Gabriel.
Nothing even major came out of it, but the fear of something traumatic happening to another one of my children has shaken me to my core.
Elijah's death has made things like Gabriel's little incident 1000 times scarier. And then that fear crawls under my skin and into places in my head that make me go crazy.
And there are other things (believe it or not, I don't share everything on my blog)...but I have to make the choice to find a way to fight them and find my happiness again.
So, little by little I will find my way out.
I also hear sleep is good for fighting depression...so I guess I should probably get some of that too.
Thank you always for reading. I love you guys.
Please keep praying for our world. Pray for our country. Pray for my family. Pray for me. Pray for you! And always always, pray for my sweet Elijah.
Thank you.
This is how it should be.
The four of you.
Happy and here.
Together.
I love and miss you so much Elijah.
Always.
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