Yesterday I worked on my book ALL day long. Today I worked on myself.
I brought the kids and our dog to Kisatchie Bayou, and while they played in the water and explored, I did a lot of soul searching. I meditated. I tried my hardest to let go of the pain and hurt in my heart. I journaled all the bad I could think of, and then later tonight I burned that list and asked to be supported in my efforts to just let go.
This morning Gabriel told me, "you never laugh." My heart broke.
Levi tells me all the time how he just wishes I was happy, but he also knows how stubborn I am about listening lol. Today when Gabriel said those words, it really got to me.
So I decided today would be the day I started working on letting it all go. I would do whatever it takes, because all this extra weight I keep choosing to carry gets heavier and heavier over time.
There are bad things in my past...I can not change those bad things. I can not change people who hurt me, times that I hurt other people, or events that took everything from me. But I can change how I feel about today. I can learn to forgive myself, stop victimizing myself, and truly walk the walk of all this self love talk.
So tonight, for my birthday present, I got Levi to ask his mom to babysit. And guess what? This weekend Levi and I are going to have 2 WHOLE NIGHTS away to ourselves AND we are going to go rock climbing on Saturday! I am super excited. I am tearing up I am so happy.
Now to get some rest. I got up early this morning for something special that I hope to be sharing with you guys soon, and after a full day of soul searching in the sun, I am pooped.
Tomorrow, I go back to work on my book, making things happen. Getting some last minute preorders and changing the world for Elijah. And possibly laughing with Gabriel ;)
I can do this.
I love you guys. Go change the world. Do it for Elijah.
Thank you.
Oh sweet Elijah.
I am doing big things for you.
And this time. I am doing it right.
I love you I love you I love you.
I miss you.
Always.
<3
No comments:
Post a Comment