I decided I want to go to Florida (or at the very least a beach) for Elijah's anniversary of passing. That is the 10th...less than a week away. I posted tonight on Facebook that I am available for the next few days to clean houses, do chores, paint paintings, or even write personalized children's books as Christmas gifts for some extra cash. So if you are reading this and are interested in any of those services, please let me know ASAP.
I know it is all totally last minute, but that's kind of how my mind operates.
It would just be really nice to be in the place where we last held him, or to go to the beach we were at that first anniversary where we let sunflowers go after we watched fireworks in the dark ocean water.
Anything would be better than feeling like I am not doing enough....
There is overwhelming sense of "BIG" and I don't know how to even begin to explain it. I just feel like my heart needs an escape. This anniversary hasn't gotten any easier.
I don't expect anyone to understand. I just really want to be able to feel what I feel and not feel weird about it--if that makes any sense.
Just know the next week or so is not going to be easy. I have been doing my best, but I am constantly worrying about how I should honor Elijah and why any of this even has to be the way it is.
Anyways, send love to my family during this hard time please, and also please send love to all the other broken hearts all over the world--I know we are not alone.
I will always send you guys love.
Go out there and change the world. Do it for Elijah.
Thank you
I love and miss you sweet Elijah.
Always.
<3
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