1283: There is No Such Thing as Retraction

It is 3:00pm.

I haven't given up on my Lenten study, I will probably blog twice today. I just really needed to get this off my chest. And maybe it's okay to do both...study Jesus and clear my mind. I think it's hurting me more not to say the things on my mind than helping...

There is no such thing as retraction, unless you are a machine and you are folding back into yourself.

You can say something and not truly mean it (I guess, but why do that), HOWEVER the person who heard it can't unhear it. They can't go back and not feel the things they felt when you said it.

You can't always blame it on anger. You can't say you were just talking to yourself. You can't just make excuse after excuse after excuse and ask them to simply accept who you are and expect them to change. Because until you are honest and speak with integrity, your words will just continue to hurt people. (I know from being on both sides of this. I am not perfect.)

You CAN help the people you have hurt by being kinder and giving them space or whatever they request to be better. You can apologize. You can be better.  You can do better. You can be forgiven.....But you can't undo it. What is done is done, until the other person is ready to heal and move forward. And you have to remember that their healing is their choice and not yours. That is sometimes a tough pill to swallow, but it is the truth.

You can't tell people not to hurt over something that hurts them.

Sometimes things take time to get past. Sometimes it takes time to be "better." Sometimes we all say things we don't mean or hurt people because we are hurt. No one is perfect. But we can try to be better--always.

I am on a journey to be better.

If I have ever said anything that hurt you, or made you feel less about yourself, I am sorry. To those I have harmed with careless actions of my past--I am sorry. I can't take away your hurt. I can only offer you a change of heart and my efforts to be better.

I wish there was such thing as a retraction. I wish I could undo.  I wish I could go back. But I can't. All I can do is just forgive and move forward.

Sending you all lots of love.

Do better, be better. Change the world, for yourself. Then go change it for Elijah.

Thank you.

If I could go back to anytime in life, 

there are places far back I need to go to fix things...

but I would pause in this summer forever if it meant

I could hold you and your brothers all at the same time again.

I love and miss you so much.

Always.

<3