Somewhere out there

It is 8:30 pm.

We are sitting outside trying to watch the lunar eclipse.

There are lot of clouds but every little glimpse I get to see is beautiful.

The bugs are starting to bite but I am out here committed to watching the heavens and the wonder of the moon.

Aww...julien just told me that he loves Elijah, but he also loves the whales at sea world. Lol.

I told him it is okay to love both, Elijah would want him to love the whales.

Then he told me one morning on the way to school he saw some clouds that made a cross in the sky.

I told him that it was Elijah telling him that he loves him very much.

I think either the clouds are completely covering the moon or the eclipse is in full swing.

 As I sit here in the peaceful sounds of crickets and silence it's hard not to miss Elijah.

I posted earlier today on my instagram account how we tried to include him in what we could to make his life special, even at such a young age. We wanted him to know he was important to us. So special things like the eclipse only make me think about him missing it.

But I can't help but think of the song "somewhere out there" from An American Tail. I know he is out there. I can feel him in my soul. Its the brief moments of peace I feel after the hell of missing him. I know he is there.

Look at you little man. You made us so happy. We loved your first moments. I remember your dad sneaking you first tastes of ice cream and your first trip to Disney World. I remember the first time I held you and how much I loved you. You were my first natural birth and you were the first of us to go to heaven. You are the first thing I think of in the morning. I love you and miss you so much. Good night moon and good night Elijah.