Friday, September 25, 2015

the empty chair

It's 10:24 pm.

We are somewhere on i10 going to Louisiana to be with family during some more hard times.

All I can do is ask for prayers right now.

Today I attended Alex and Julien's field trip with them. It was Julien's first field trip ever. We went to the library.





There were moments of struggle between Juljen and I. He is going through a lot and sometimes gets really angry at me. I try not take it personally, but sometimes it's hard. Especially while going through all the pain of losing Elijah.

After the field trip I was supposed to do the farmer's market to collect candy and raise money for our candy drive, but I got a text saying it has been cancelled.

So we decided to head to Louisiana.

We stopped to eat at Cracker Barrel because its normally where we eat on our trips home.

I was okay until half way through the meal I noticed that we had been seated at a table for six and now there were only five of us. That empty seat made me feel miserable. I ended up going to the restroom and throwing up everything I ate.

To make it worst, they already have Christmas stuff out and of course there are all sorts of things for baby's first Christmas. My soul died a little bit more.

It's just not fair. We loved him so much. 

I just want him back.

Please continue to pray for us and always always pray for Elijah.


Elijah I remember the very moment I took this picture. You were so strong and so cute being fascinated with your toes. It had been a bad afternoon and you were the one making me smile. I wish I could have you back so we could both smile again.

I miss and love you so much.


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