Today I woke up, turned my head to look at something, and threw my neck out of alignment, aggravating my pinched nerve....meaning I was in a lot of pain today. All day...and still am.
I have so much to do before Friday, but I'm really excited. I feel like everything is falling into place.
Plus, to be honest, there are others in the world struggling with far heavier burdens than whether or not the chance they took on their "career" will work out or not. I have faith, and it is not blind faith--it is not blind, because I know no matter if I fall on my face or not, I will still be here and I will still have the opportunity to take a deep breath and try again. No need to worry. Worrying does nothing, other than create unnecessary stress. And I am trying my hardest to let go of stress and worry.
So here is to dreaming big and having faith, because it is my life and I'm not going to waste it.
I want to share this prayer with you guys, because I feel like it really puts things in perspective. When I lost Elijah, I learned that most things in life that we stress about are self created. I also learned that tragedy is everywhere, and half the crap I used to worry about really didn't matter. I am alive and breathing and my son is not. I have a roof over my head and my needs are met, and there are many people without. I am truly blessed, even when I am stressing over the silly things in life. I beg you to try a new perspective in life if you find you worry about everything. You are so friggen lucky to be alive and be here. Make the best out of this gift of life. Take chances and make changes. You will not get better if you don't make the effort, and it is NEVER too late to make an effort. Keep going. I love you guys.
“May all beings everywhere
Plagued by sufferings of body and mind
Obtain an ocean of happiness and joy
By virtue of my merits.
Plagued by sufferings of body and mind
Obtain an ocean of happiness and joy
By virtue of my merits.
May no living creature suffer,
Commit evil, or ever fall ill.
May no one be afraid or belittled,
With a mind weighed down by depression.
Commit evil, or ever fall ill.
May no one be afraid or belittled,
With a mind weighed down by depression.
May the blind see forms
And the deaf hear sounds,
May those whose bodies are worn with toil
Be restored on finding repose.
And the deaf hear sounds,
May those whose bodies are worn with toil
Be restored on finding repose.
May the naked find clothing,
The hungry find food;
May the thirsty find water
And delicious drinks.
The hungry find food;
May the thirsty find water
And delicious drinks.
May the poor find wealth,
Those weak with sorrow find joy;
May the forlorn find hope,
Constant happiness, and prosperity.
Those weak with sorrow find joy;
May the forlorn find hope,
Constant happiness, and prosperity.
May there be timely rains
And bountiful harvests;
May all medicines be effective
And wholesome prayers bear fruit.
And bountiful harvests;
May all medicines be effective
And wholesome prayers bear fruit.
May all who are sick and ill
Quickly be freed from their ailments.
Whatever diseases there are in the world,
May they never occur again.
Quickly be freed from their ailments.
Whatever diseases there are in the world,
May they never occur again.
May the frightened cease to be afraid
And those bound be freed;
May the powerless find power,
And may people think of benefiting each other.
And those bound be freed;
May the powerless find power,
And may people think of benefiting each other.
For as long as space remains,
For as long as sentient beings remain,
Until then may I too remain
To dispel the miseries of the world.”
For as long as sentient beings remain,
Until then may I too remain
To dispel the miseries of the world.”
Go change the world. Do it for Elijah.
Thank you.
thank you sweet boy,
for being my son,
for guiding me,
and for helping me see how truly blessed I am to be alive.
Everything will work out.
I know you are here with me and I have faith.
I love and miss you.
Always.
<3
~
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