Today

It is 8:01pm.

Im bathtub blogging and the faucet in this bathtub will not stop dripping.  With my anxiety the way it is these days, I feel like turning in to the hulk and ripping it out of the wall.

Not that I condone that type of behavior,  but no one is perfect. And green is my favorite color.

Today was busy. And as we have learned,  busy is good.

After bringing Julien and Alex to school, I came back to the hotel and levi and I planned out our day together.  He had some classes at his gym this morning he wanted to go to, and I wanted to deliver copies of The Kind Knight (my childrens book) to medical waiting rooms around the area.

So I took Gabriel,  and off we went.

Gabriel was excited until we started going in and out of places so quickly that he could not see the fish or play with toys. Soon he went into nuclear meltdown mode.

I managed to distract him from the fit for a little while with a Happy Meal, but nothing lasts forever and he soon got sleepy and it became a car ride of blood curdling screams.

However,  in all the chaos I managed to deliver 20 copies to waiting rooms all over the place--and only with a few tears here and there.

It is important for me to keep Elijah's memory positive,  because all he ever knew was love and happiness. I want to share those feelings with others for him. He will never be forgotten.

Im not the only one hard at work sharing kindness in Elijah's memory.  

I think its wonderful that little pieces of him keep coming to us through other people's stories, like this one from my cousin:

And then this one was too sweet:

After pretty much crying myself to sleep last night, I needed today. 

Dont get me wrong, the anxiety still comes in the moments when I miss him the most (almost always), but I am learning to live with it a little bit. It helps to get out and do things for him. I feel like atleast that way we are together and he knows how much he will always mean to me.

Well my phone is running out of battery,  and the faucet is taunting me... it's time to put the phone away for a bit and read. Please keep praying for us and praying for Elijah.

Oh my goodness Elijah, you were such a big and beautiful baby. I hope God keeps you just the way you are so I can hold you and kiss those same sweet cheeks if and when I get to heaven someday. 

I love and miss you kid. ♡♡♡