My Christmas Wish List

It is 9:33am

Two days ago, I was told I would have an answer by noon yesterday on whether or not we would be approved on our rental condo.

Well...still no news.

This morning I entered some I Heart Radio contest as a desperate plea for some sort of hope.

I told them about all the death my family has experienced this year. I told them that we have been living in hotels. I told them it has just been an awful year. Then I asked for a house, or rent somewhere, or a vacation. Just something to give the kids and I hope. I also made it clear that I wanted no toys. Then I sent in my "Christmas Wish."

Then I felt awful.

While this year has been horrible, it has also been wonderful.

It is the only year in my life where I will have ever held Elijah.

As we move closer to the New Year, while most people are happy to see this year go away, I am terrified. I will have to leave something else behind that helps me hold on to him.

I also felt horrible for asking for such lavish things.

I am not a lavish person.

I know wanting a house is a big request...most people would just tell me that I need to work harder and one day I will appreciate it more when I can buy my own. And I totally think that I would.

But honestly, my heart is just so heavy right now, that working hard is well--hard.

I love my job, but I also dread going to work.

I hate anything that steals my time.

I hate taking naps, and I use to love sleep...but honestly, I hate sleep now too.

I have become so obsessed with time.

Anyways, the point I was trying to make is, that even know I know we should be working harder, right now is not the time for it.

Our hearts are broken and need time to heal.

We need the time to do what we want and be a tiny bit selfish...but I promise you, if you could see inside our hearts--if I could show you--then you would understand.

Anyways, because I need to just get it all our right now, I am going to be selfish and write out my Christmas Wish List (I will be sharing the kids later, but please note that this does not mean that you are obligated to send us anything...It is merely fun to dream sometimes)

Kelly's (Materialistic) Christmas (Crazy)Wish List:
1. A house. Not a mansion, nothing super fancy...just a house that fits my family and is not falling apart. Preferably a fenced in back yard and somewhere safe for my kids to play outside and ride bikes. I would also love an office space for The Love, Elijah Project and my crafting stuff, so I can start new children's books. 

2. Time to write and continue to spread kindness. So umm...this equates to money...lol. Lot's of money. 

3. Travel. I'm not talking to Tampa, I'm talking about seeing the Grand Canyon, traveling to somewhere via Habitat of Humanity for me and Alex so we can make a difference. I don't really care about where to anymore, I just need an RV, some time, and lots of open space and trees. A trip overseas would be lovely too...Wherever the wind takes us.

(Now to the less extravagant stuff)

4. Paper, cards, and stamps: These are always wonderful to have on hand. Especially for kindness projects.

5. A crafting desk? Or cabinet? Or something to store all my crap. Also, scissors, glue, colorful and fun paper, a lamp. Maybe some paints and canvases? I am not really a painter, but I want to start grief support through the arts and I feel like painting could be very peaceful.

6. Anything with Linus or sunflowers. They remind me of my Elijah.

7. New Experiences. Tickets to shows, to museums, to theme parks, to events, to anything new. I want to LIVE my life for Elijah. I want for it to not go wasted. 

8. Anything that might make my kids and husband happy. I am so proud of Levi for taking up MMA, he has a purpose and a passion for Elijah. He wants to fight in Elijah's honor. He has put so much work and dedication into this. So I guess, someone could help pay his MMA monthly gym fees. As for the kids, I am sure we will get them a few toys this Christmas, even though I would really rather give them a vacation, or new experiences...Julien really wants a hotwheel garage, and I have no idea what Alex wants other than for our Wii to be fixed again and a subscription to Gamefly...And Gabriel, well Gabriel loves The Uglies Petshop and Paw Patrol. I will get them to make list later...but really making them happy for Christmas is ultimately what will make me happy for Christmas.

9. Christmas Cards for my kids. I want to know people care this season. I don't want to feel lonely. It will be lonely enough without Elijah.

My kids names are:
Alexander Eldridge
Julien Eldridge
Gabriel Eldridge
(Elijah Eldridge)
Or you can address it to The Eldridge Family

Here is our address:
14900 East Orange Lake Blvd #321
Orlando, Fl 34747

10. Help with paying bills.


Well, that is pretty much it.

I don't know if that made me feel better, or more selfish.

But I got it out.

I know I always preach about taking care of other people, and most of my time is dedicated to helping others and spreading kindness, but I have my wants too...I guess it is important I address them.

Well, thank you for reading the most vain and selfish blog I have ever posted.

Keep praying that we hear something today on that Condo, because I really don't want to spend Christmas in a hotel.

Blah...

Oh Elijah,

if you run into Old St. Nick up there, tell him we could really use some Christmas Cheer this year.

I miss you so much. 

I love you my boogie.