I Don't Know What to Do...

It is 6:02pm

Today sucks.

I called into work sick. I still feel sick. I feel like I have knots upon knots in my stomach...oh and a nice little cold on top of that.

It is the 3 month anniversary of Elijah's death.

We ALSO got told that our application on the rental condo got turned down.

I tried making Christmas cards in desperation that somehow I become some type of Etsy godess and make enough money on the side to pull us out of this hell hole...or I don't know, make enough money to just take a break for a while...but I couldn't get myself to finish them.

Someone asked yesterday to make a gofund me for my family and I.

It is someone I don't really know outside of Facebook and I was really hesitant...not because I don't trust this person....just because I already had a gofund me put out there in my name and I don't want to ask too much of people I know.

However, I am not in the position to turn down any help right now, so I politely agreed and she made it to support Love, Elijah and our acts of kindness in Elijah's memory...which is great...because I could totally use some help there.

However today after finding out that we aren't getting this condo, I a, trying to do anything I can to get us in a home for christmas...

So I have started a gofund me for a Christmas Miracle.

I'm not asking you for money... please understand that... I'm not even sure I will ever share it on my facebook page...I am just putting it out there in the world hoping that maybe something will happen. Because it definitely won't happen if I don't try.

https://www.gofundme.com/b2ebv2vg

Honestly, I am so desperate at this point I don't know what to do...and desperate times call for desperate measures.

If you don't want to pledge to the gofund me, WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE, will you please just consider nominating us for the iheartradio christmas wishlist?

It could be for a home, a tiny home, money towards a home....idk. I think I just read the rules and maybe there is a $5000 limit? I'm not sure, rules and regulations are never easy to figure out.

When I submitted mine, I told them anything that would give my kids and I hope...

Anything but toys please. Bills paid, new experiences, tickets to events, a vacation, a home, but no toys. The boys don't have room for anymore toys, and we will be providing them each with one big toy at Christmas as part of their present.

Here is the link to the I Heart Radio contest:

http://m.literock993.iheart.com/contests/let-iheartradio-grant-your-christmas-wish/418685/

Here is our address:

14900 e Orange Lake Blvd #321
Kissimmee, fl 34747

Phone is 318-498-2593

I hate asking for any of this...but I really don't want my kids to have to spend a Christmas in a hotel room...

Anyways...I'm sorry for a downer today. I don't like to be. It was just a really really hard day. 

I am about to order some pizza, and then drown myself in pepperoni and extra cheese. 

Just keep praying, and sending positive thoughts. I need them badly right now.

Thanks.

I miss you Elijah.

So so much.

I will never stop missing you

and this will never be fair.

I love you.