I think the most productive thing I did today was take the trash to the dumpster....where interestingly enough, I learned that the newer guy that works there use to live in Orlando and work at Universal...
Anyways, I took Alex to this church down the road so I could place some flowers on a grave as my act of kindness, and Alex could skateboard in the parking lot...my dad lives on a dirt road.
I placed the flowers on a grave of an unnamed infant and sat there and listened to a few songs while Alex clumbsily skated his way into exhaustion...
Then we came home and I played boardgames and did madlibs with all the boys...
But after all that I have just been procrastinating and wasting time...just being nervous about tomorrow being the last day of this year. The last day of the year I got to hold Elijah in my arms.
I know time moving forward won't change anything...but again...grieving tends to over power rational thinking...and I am already a person who tends to let emotions guide me...so...some days there is little hope for me.
I have big plans for the new year. On the 98th day of 2016 we are going to walk 98 miles for the 98 days Elijah lived. I am going to try and get sponsors and make it into a big deal...but I haven't been very successful in many of my endeavors, so naturally I am a little worried about it.
But I would not be me if I didn't try...and I won't change anything if I give up...so we will see where it all goes.
The money we raise will help me start the support groups I want to start and help me fund The Love Elijah Project. I hope to raise enough money to hire a webpage analyst to help build our audience and a grant writer to help us build our services.
Call me a dreamer...
Anyways, tomorrow might be tough for me...so just keep me and my family in your prayers...and as always...pray for my Elijah.
I miss you sweet boy.
I always will.
Time will never stop that.
Nothing will ever stop that.
I love you so much.
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