I'm not trying to throw a pity party here...but please pray for me. I have been going through some heavy emotions these last few days...and I don't really know what I need to pull myself out of it.
I keep telling people to pray for me because I know I need God...but I am either too much of a control freak or too broken right now to do it myself.
I try from time to time...but it just seems to fall flat. It doesn't seem to do much other than make me feel like I'm not doing enough.
As hotel prices started to climb again for some reason...I am starting to freak out more and more about money and finding us a place to live...
I bought a powerball ticket today with some change I should have put it the kids hawiia fund but I can't bring myself to check it because I don't want to go to bed disappointed.
But what's worst is that I just keep thinking about Elijah Today and how he is not here....and how much I wish I knew what life would be like with him still in my arms.
Blah....
Oh. Today at work this lady and I we're talking about this app our guests use in the theme park and we both agreed it could be better. She seemed to be tech savy so I told her should apply to work for our tech team and she told me that she had better things to do with her life than to "work here"...
I wanted to scream.
I hate wasting time more than ever now and this woman had no idea how damaging her words were to me in that moment....
Of course after venting to Levi I got over it. .but sometimes I really wonder if people think when opening their mouths. .
Ok...well it is late and my allergies are flaring up...I guess I should get to bed..
Keep praying guys.. Pray hard...I need it...and always Pray for my Elijah.
Oh my.
Look at that perfection.
Look at that sweet boy
I don't think I could miss him anymore...
But then my heart just finds new ways everyday.
I love you my boogie.
<3
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