I am sitting here near Elijah's ashes and watching his candle burn.
Today is a bit of a downer day. I didn't get much done, other than decide that this coming Monday will be a motivational Monday on Periscope and on our loveelijah blog.
Alex and I did our act of kindness for Elijah too.
I cut out coupons from a newspaper mailer or something that was on my dad's table and taped them on corresponding items for other people to use at the dollar store.
Then I came back home and tried to look for a place to live for when we get back to Florida.
It is stressful. So stressful I don't really even want to talk about it....I am just hoping and praying the lottery tickets I bought today win us something...because I am just not in the mindset to deal with our housing situation much more.
I told Levi we could just give up, move back here and he could go to a mma gym in Shreveport...but that's not really realistic either...
And then I have been restless like crazy today and craving food all day long...
I have this crazy desire just to go...
Anyways today is just a crazy day I guess...a crazy day of missing Elijah and stressing over things that I would give anything not to stress over.
But what good does stressing do? It has never fixed anything before...
I think I am going to go find myself a big fat cookie and prepare for my motivational Monday coming up...maybe it will get me out of this funk.
Just keep praying guys. Pray that God knows what is best for us and gives me some clear direction as I wake up daily in this ugly haze of grief. I need clarity in his answers. I need to know what's best. I feel him calling me to the road....to travel...but I don't know if that means the road to Florida or something else...and then again, maybe I am just crazy too...anything is possible.
Elijah I love you oh so much.
I miss you everyday.
Talk to the angels and let them know momma needs their love today.
<3
I love you my boogie.
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