Happy New Year

It is 10:07pm.

Happy New Year...

All in all the day was not so bad.

It was not the day I had planned, but they seldom ever are.

I had planned to get on my computer today and work at fixing my www.loveelijah.com webpage.

But my computer had other plans...

So I decided to get me and my dad out of the house....he hardly ever gets to get out of his house because he doesn't have his own car anymore...

We put together some old fake flowers that my mom had in a closet and grabbed a rake and a garden hoe and headed out to my grandfather's grave out in Cloutierville.

We pulled weeds and cleared fire ants out of the way and added our flowers to flowers that someone else had left on my grandfather's grave.

 I walked around and tried to straighten up some of the other grave sights when I found a cross laying in between two graves upside down, I turned it over to move it to a grave and saw that it had sunflowers on it. I knew it had to be my Elijah telling me hello.

If you can't read it is says, 

"The higher your hopes, the brighter your days."

I actually found many sunflowers surrounding me today. It was kind of like it was meant to be that I spend New Years with my dad seeing my grandfather's resting place.

My dad and I talked about death and he told me that the reason my grandfather's tombstone reads "God is Love" is because he used to write in the dirt on the road whenever they would go for walks. My uncle chose to have it on his tombstone in remembrance of him.

I also found out that not long before he passed away unexpectedly, he had started going to church every Sunday...like he was trying to "get right." (as my dad put it)

I told my dad that sometimes I think we know death is coming without actually knowing...

Like it is something we are subconsciously aware of somehow...both with ourselves and with our loved ones... 

I feel that way about Elijah sometimes...

It is something we would have never expected or prepared for...I have no earthly idea that his death would happen. 

But there was this magical summer before his death of him meeting people I haven't seen in years and in this bizarre turn of events, we got to be near all of our family...and there are just little details of of how I did things so differently with him...I don't know, it is all hard to explain...

Anyways, it was a good talk with my dad and then we took a long drive and talked about old houses, questioned how on Earth people around here can afford such large and lavish homes, poked fun at ourselves, and enjoyed our New Year's day...

When we got home I was just productive enough to join periscope, and update my Love, Elijah instagram page. (username loveelijah0605)

As far as my New Year's Resolutions go...

I guess they are something along the lines of:

dreaming big and taking life one day at a time. Enjoying little moments and finding purpose in each day. Continue to grow Elijah's legacy with more love and kindness. To be a good mom and a good wife. To inspire and allow myself to be inspired. To just breathe and be myself. To find a way to see the grand canyon and still help these boys find enough coins to fund a trip to Hawaii. To find a home where there is stability and love (some sacred ground...a homebase). And to be okay with where I am and just breathe and have faith that I will move forward when it is time to move forward...

Hope you are successful in your resolutions...and I hope I am successful in some of mine.

For real...happy New Year. Let's make it as good as it can be.

Hi little sunflower.

Hi my sweet boy.

I love and miss you bunches.

This year we may not be able to hold you in our arms, but we will always hold you in our hearts.

We are going to change the world kid...

I promise you.

I love you my boogie.

Miss you bunches.

Happy New Year in Heaven.

<3