We are back in Florida...
It has been one hell of an emotional day.
With absolutely no sleep last night, I pulled into a gas stop this morning and went to get the boys some donuts and pay for gas.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket, because it made a noise at me, and it was Facebook memories...
I innocently opened it to the reminder that this day last year we announced our pregnancy with Elijah to the world via Facebook....
I started to cry.
Then, I found the blog I wrote to Elijah that day....and I cried even more.
Read that blog here: Dear Little One
From that point on I battled through the day, and it has been an emotional one.
We stopped by and took down The Love, Elijah holiday remembrance tree.
And then we checked our mail... which had a ton of Christmas Cards in it. Some from family and some lovely strangers that found my blog online and were just being kind <3
And one Love Elijah package...and it was a gift for me.
I was hoping for more letters, but I will get there I guess...
I have to learn to find patience again, especially since now I have to learn to live the rest of my life literally moment by moment.
Anyways, the waves have been deep today.
My productiveness was low, but here is what I got done:
I drove us back from Louisiana...
I got us a hotel for a week.
I got the holiday remembrance tree taken down...
I checked the mail.
I made sure our bills were taken care of.
I did my act of kindness in memory of Elijah.
I am blogging.
Even when I felt like not doing any of this...
I don't know if any of that will actually make a difference in the world, but I have this desperate need to make each day purposeful....so it is important for me to see that I did something productive each day.
Anyways, operation survival mode is in full swing now until we get our tax return, find our bus and get ourselves out of his hell.
I have decided to cut all spending other than food (because we have assistance with that right now...because of missing so much work), gas, bills, and hotel stays.
I am determined to get us out of this mess, and I believe that our tiny home bus will put us in a place where we can get back on our feet...
If you want to help, I'll just leave this here: https://www.gofundme.com/77hh6g5s
Even if you just donate $1, the kids are really looking forward to funny stories about the cat statue.
Anyways, I don't know how I haven't fallen out from exhaustion, and yet I still feel like I have so much to do.
I go back to work Saturday...and I'm a nervous mess...I know I will be okay, but I am still worried. I know the question, "where have you been" is bound to come up...and I don't know how to answer without just breaking down into a big ugly mess of tears....
So, yep...pray for me.
Pray for my family....and always always always, pray for Elijah <3
I love you sweet boy.
I miss you so much.
Today should be a happy and funny memory...
not one that hurts this much.
I wish I could hold you again.
You will always be my boogie <3
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