day 13...lots of complaining...sorry

It is 9:20pm.

So today was a day full of complaining (sorry sweet Jesus....boy did I fail).

It started at around midnight when I was awoken by people partying in the parking lot and I ended up calling front desk...and then the police because they would not be quiet. And they were yelling every word they spoke.

Luckily the police got them to leave quickly but then I was up and I had the shakes and an anxiety attack...so it took me forever to get back to sleep.

I woke up this morning and it felt like someone was standing on my chest so I decided to finally give in and go see a doctor since I have been having continuous chest pains and stomach pains since December.

While checking in I was told my copay would be $141!!!

I asked what the visit would be without it and the guy told me $160.

I saved just under $20....but really I didn't, because I am forced to pay for this crap every week out of my paycheck whether I use it or not. So I have paid that $20 already...I promise.

Let me just say I am ok with everyone being able to get healthcare, but what is the point of forcing me to have it when I am not saving any money...

Anyways the doctor visit actually was very efficient and they ran an ekg...but my heart is normal..so that is good. There is some tenderness in my belly so obviously this is a stomach issue...

So I have been given some prescriptions and if they don't work in a week I have to schedule another appointment with a specialist...which means another hundred or so dollars I will have to spend...meanwhile hoping this doctor has a better answer for me.

Anyways I came home and took a nap and then played super mom the rest of the evening.

The kids were bad and went to bed mad at me because the last thing i did was put them in trouble...but they went to sleep fast and I'm sure they will forget about it in the morning.

So I complained today....I complained a lot.

I felt like I was losing control.

I just feel hopeless today....

I woke up in a fog...and I hope it all goes away soon because I would like nothing more than to go back to no complaints.

Believe me, there is no one trying harder than I am right now...I haven't given up.

But say your prayers. Pray for me. Pray for my family. And always pray for my sweet Elijah.

Oh Elijah.

Give me a sign...

I have been singing this song in my head all day.

I miss you so much.

But I promise you kiddo...we will change the world together. 

<3

I love you my boogie.