This Sucks and I Am So Sorry

It is 10:15pm.

I am beyond exhausted.

Between yesterday morning around 9am and right now I think I have slept about 3 hours total.

Real quick. I think that if I counted right, today we came in like $10 under $600 after all the PayPal fees came out. This is mainly from etsy sales and some cash handed to me from family.

In 10 more dollars we will have one whole month of rent paid.

While that is something to be proud of, I really wanted to turn my focus to one of my Love, Elijah followers who sadly lost her husband today.

My heart hurts so badly for her and I have been thinking about it all day.

Death has a way of robbing us of our loved ones when we least expect it and it sucks.

Sudden loss is a hard thing to deal with...especially when it is of someone who you share your life with on a daily basis and care for deeply.

It sucks the breathe right out of you. It leaves you hollow. It slowly steals pieces of you that you may not ever have known exsisted, but now miss more than anything.

You are now suddenly lost. You suddenly lost a part of you.

I hate it. I hate it for her. I hate it for anyone else who has to suffer through sudden loss. I hate it for me.

But my advice is this:

It will be so hard these first few weeks. You will feel like you are drowning. Your body will ache. You won't want to eat. You will have anxiety attacks. You will not be you anymore.

All of this is normal.

Please be honest with yourself and how you feel. Please be honest with other people about how you feel too.

And I know you don't want to hear it, but remember that the sun still shines for you--even when it is hiding behind these awful sucky rain clouds.

And no one can take that sunshine away, because it comes from the love we have for the people we have lost.

So when you are ready, start looking for the sun again. Because you deserve the warmth it brings.

And when you find the sunshine again, cast the biggest and most beautiful shadows that mimic the love it brings. Make those shadows stretch by spreading kindness and happiness in memory of your loved one.

I don't know. Forgive me if I sound like a cheesy Hallmark card, but I truly believe that doing good in Elijah's memory has helped in my healing process and I believe it can help others.

Please keep this sweet lady in your prayers.

I am so tired I don't even know if I made any sense, but I sincerely am thinking about her and her loss. And I don't know what to say other than it sucks...and I am so sorry.

Oh sweet Elijah. I wish I could kiss those sweet cheeks. I wish I could hold you on my chest again. I miss you so so so so much. But I love you even more. <3