no more (please)

It is 11:29pm.

Today I am 33 years old.

I have survived so much...

I am tired of surviving.

I really hope that this is the beginning of living for me.

Thriving.

I miss Elijah so much...but I have him to Thank for learning just how fragile our lives are and how we are never promised another day.

And no matter how hard the end of the day may be...and believe me tonight is so very hard...I am still going to get up in the morning and try again...and push harder...because I am me, and I should live the life I want...and not just survive the life others think I should live.

I am going to figure out this whole art therapy studio and that is just the beginning...

I am going to change this world for Elijah...for myself...for Alex...for Julien....for Gabriel...for everyone.

Because dammit....I am tired of just survivng and i am tired of seeing people hurt....

Ok. Self pep talk over.

I am old now...and old people need their sleep ;)

Good night.

Elijah. If I could have had any birthday wish today..you know that I would have wished to hold you in my arms. I hope you saw the tortoise and the snake. I hope you saw your name where I left it. I hope you can visit me in my dreams.

I love and miss you!!!! so so so much <3