"I Get To"

It is 3:26pm.

I am blogging a little bit earlier today, because I had the time and it is nice to not feel rushed to get off the computer before my new 8pm screen time shut off.

It is also pretty peaceful right now because Julien and Levi are taking a nap and Gabriel and Alex are absorbed in their own little worlds.

Oh! Before I move on, yesterday I shared a little "checking in" exercise I learned with my counselor,  BUT I forgot a step.

 So I am going to go through it really quick again because this step is important when it comes to "reprogramming the brain."

Here goes:

When you are feeling an emotion that is negative or unwanted (and untrue), you can check in with yourself and reprogram yourself to feel what you want to feel.

It might not happen right away, but the goal is to retrain the brain to learn a more positive response when faced with the same situation again later.

Alright. Just like yesterday I am going to use jealousy as the example. 

So, let's say I am jealous. 

Jealousy is a negative emotion, and it is not true so I would stop what I am doing, and check in.

Then I say to myself, 

"Wait a minute. That's not me. That's just my programming. I'm not jealous."

Then I would find in my body where I am feeling that jealousy and I would imagine it as it was a ball. 

You would then remove that ball from your body and send it down the river.

And here is the part I missed (which is super important)

After you throw the ball away, you say how you want to feel. This is what you want to reprogram your brain to feel. 

So you could say something like, "I want to be thankful."

Then you say  "thank you thank you thank you." " I love you. I love you. I love you."

So the whole thing would be:

 1. "Wait a minute. That's not me. That's just my programming. I'm not (enter negative emotion here)." 

 2. Remove negative ball of feelings and send ball away.

 3. "I want to be (insert positive emotion here)."

 4. "Thank you thank you thank you." " I love you I love you I love you."

Ok? 

Cool Dude?

Alright, groovy.

Another thing I forget to talk about when reprogramming the brain is changing the words "I have to" to "I get to."

Of course this is another mind trick to reprogram the brain, and it is a rather good one. 

But there is also a HUGE truth behind this. And I see it even clearer now that Elijah is gone.

"I get to."

When I hear the words "I get to," they echo off the deepest parts of my heart and echo over and over again in my head.

There are many things that Elijah will never "get to" do.

So as his mother, I have to remember how incredibly blessed I am for all the things God has given me another day to do--especially when it comes to honoring Elijah's short life.

"I get to" get out of bed in the morning (even when I don't want to).

"I get to" fix Elijah's brothers breakfast, lunch and dinner (even when I don't feel like it).

"I get to" live my life as long as it is still mine (even when it can be very difficult sometimes).

"I get to."

So, today I want you to challenge yourself to change those "I have to's" to "I get to," and really be thankful that you have another day to live.

And please go out there and LIVE, because everyday is a gift and you get to live it.

<3

Oh hey, look! One of Elijah's sunflowers bloomed today!

Hello Sunshine! Hello Elijah.

I don't want to fool you all into believing that I am 100% okay today...I have had some really hard moments.

But I do feel like some weight has been lifted from seeing a counselor.

Will it fix everything?

No.

Grieving a child is something that will last forever...

But I do want to let you know that if you are debating it, or are stubborn like me, it is okay to ask for help. You totally "get to."

Even when you do seek help, it will always be your choice to leave your sessions (or appointments) feeling stronger and better. So you don't have to worry about someone forcing any feelings on you that you are not ready to feel.

ANDDD if you are already seeking help for any type of mental health issue, kudos to you. You should be proud of yourself. I know personally that it is not an easy decision to make.

Alright guys, it is time to bring some of my kiddos to MMA class, and read my new ebook I downloaded today, "How to Walk Across America without being an A*Hole."

Not even kidding:

Remember to keep praying for our world. Pray for my family. Pray for me. And always always, pray for my sweet Elijah.

Thanks a bunches.

Oh sweet Elijah.

I am so happy I still get to be your momma.

And nothing can ever change that,

not even death.

I love you my boogie.

Miss you always. 

<3