Thankful Thursday: I Got To Say His Name Today

It is 5:01pm.

It's Thankful Thursday!

I just sat down and turned on the t.v. to finish an episode of The Amazing Race that I started 2 days ago.

Since cutting screen time at 8pm, and rearranging my day, I have kind of not been binge watching so much--which is probably a good thing.

I am sure if we ever do make it on the show, by now I kind of know what to expect--even though you can never really know what to expect.

Anyways, today has been a nice day.

I had an amazing walk this morning, with a nice breeze.

I walked 3.63 miles in one hour and eleven minutes. Which is kind of a new norm right now.

The plan is to start walking two hours in the morning once August starts. Which will be interesting with my new sleep schedule.

Then I will be walking 3 hours total a day instead of 2, and then on the weekends I am also going to start doing more long distance hiking. I need to catch up on my hikes for Elijah anyway.

But right now, I am proud of myself for staying active and sticking with the walking.

After I got back from my walk, the boys and I headed to Ikea where Alex and I ate $2 breakfast and let the little guys play in the play area.

Everyone was happy and I got to read a little bit more of my new book I got yesterday (How to walk across America without being an a*hole).

And thennn....

This afternoon, I got a haircut <3

It literally took the girl over an hour and a half to finish because I had so much hair.

I am so pleased with how it came out, and it feels amazing! I am very happy with it.

During the haircut I talked with my stylist about Julien and Gabriel's long hair and she asked me about all my children and for their names, and the dicsussion led to an opportunity to talk about Elijah and his passing. 

It was so weird talking about it. 

For the first time there were no tears. 

She kept talking about how hard it must have been, and I kept thinking, "yes. It was horrible...why don't I feel horrible right now talking about it?"

I mean, I don't want to feel horrible, but I almost felt guilty for not feeling horrible.

Talking about Elijah was just like talking about my other children, which I guess is just what I wanted all along--for him to be know as Elijah, not just as my son who passed away. 

It is kind of hard to process it all;

But I am thankful for the opportunity to talk about him.

And I am also thankful for my wonderful mother who helped me get this much needed haircut which leaded to that opportunity.

OH I also got a new notebook for .50 for my gratitude journaling. 

(Thank you back to school sales. I needed this)

I am thankful.

I am thankful.

I am thankful.

(retrain the brain).

I am thankful.

Now to dream big, put this new outlook to work, and go change the world for Elijah.

Look at you looking at those toes again.

Silly boy.

I love and miss you so much.

So glad I got to say your name today.

So glad someone wanted to listen.

So glad you are mine.

<3