Admitting Defeat

It is 3:49pm.

Bomb shell after bomb shell seem to fall from above as I stare from my desk at the glass door ahead of me.

The sticker says, "The Love, Elijah Project Art Therapy Studio," followed by the words," Every Life Has a Story To Tell."

It seems my story this week is a tragic one.

I hate to up play the melodramatics, but I am pretty emotional right now and honestly feel like I have been broken down to the most bottom layer.

My words don't even make sense to me right now.

So to make it easier on myself, I am just going to quote the Gofundme update I just posted:

"Today we found out that we will have to give up my art therapy studio that I have tried so hard to keep in the midst of all of our problems.

I wanted to do big things with this little studio, but at this time, we have been asked to leave because we have been staying here a few nights a week to save some money on hotel stays, and someone brought it to our landlord's attention. And because it is a commercial lease, we really have no reason to argue about it.

I never meant for it to be our home. I never meant to end up here.

Since we had "moved in", I stopped asking for donations for the studio because I felt like until I was able to open it and run it as it is intended to be, I shouldn't ask for money from people for us to stay there....but I did intend on reopening it in October--which of course won't be happening now.

So, now we have a week to clean it all up, pack our lives into boxes (once again), and move on.

This week has been exhausting, and this is just icing on the cake.

So, if you can't do anything else for us right now, just please pray.

I still plan to make use of all the art supplies donated, even if we can't reopen somewhere else.

I will hold free workshops, or something. I promise that it will all go to good use.

I will still run The Love, Elijah Project Blog and I will still do my other remembrance projects.

This is just a very emotional day for me and I just want you to all know that I tried very hard to make this dream come true."

 I just wish that in all the chaos, and the dramatics of my life that this little studio could have been my silver lining.

But it is what it is, and now all I can do is pick up the pieces of my shattered heart and pack up boxes and move forward.

This week will be a difficult one. For sure.

Please know that I am so sorry, and truly meant to do something big to help others.

And I am so disappointed in myself and how this turned out.

I don't know....

I don't even know where we go from here.

Just pray.

Pray for our world. Pray for Louisiana. Pray for my family. Pray for me. And always always, pray for my sweet Elijah.

Thank you.

I don't know what this means for us yet Elijah,

but I won't give up.

Right now I feel like it, 

but then I just think of my promise to you 

and I can't.

I am so sorry this didn't work out.

I am sorry for everything.

I miss you so much 

and love you even more.

<3