Wasted

It is 5:02pm.

I am McDonald's right now with Gabriel on what is supposed to be a mom/son date...but he is more interested in the playground and playing with the other children than spending any time with me.. lol.

Yesterday afternoon Alex and I went on a hike that was 7 miles long. And it was an amazing hiking trail. I wish I had my camera with me so I could post the pictures I took for you guys to see. Maybe I will remember to do that tomorrow.

Anyways, we saw a Pigmy Rattle Snake, an alligator, and an owl.

But we should have started our hiking about 2 hours earlier because the last hour or so of our hike was in the dark...and it was terrifying.

I used my phone flashlight app and kept the trail lit.

Alex all of sudden got sick and I was having to stop so that he could throw up, and at one point I even tripped and fell hard on some roots.

It was probably the most adventure I have ever experienced had on a walk lol.

You would think that maybe this crazy hiking experience I wouldn't want to walk across country anymore, but despite the last hour or so, I really enjoyed myself and the challenging walk.

And the longer we wait the more I wonder, "What are we waiting for?"

I know, I know...that very thought will ruffle feathers and cause people to worry because I just started this new job and what not, but the thing about this job is that it will be there when we get back, and we are not going to be gone forever.

So I am requesting very politely, "no freaking out --please."

Life is simply meant to be lived, and after losing Elijah I am so scared of wasting even a single moment of it.

So every day that I sit here at my computer waiting for the money or the right moment to come along, is a moment I have wasted.

And to quote Carrie Underwood, "I don't want to live my life jaded, faded, to wake up one day and find that a lot of these years go by wasted."

It is a big adventure and my heart longs for it.

That's all.

Hello sweet boy.

I feel like your little life has thrown me into this parallel universe.

Sometimes it is dark and gloomy.

Sometimes there is sunshine all around.

Sometimes I feel like it is so big and I am so small.

Sometimes I feel like it is so small and I am the big one.

Sometimes I feel all of this at once.

But I will always feel like I need to do more now, 

because you don't have your little life and I have mine.

I love and miss you so much my boogie.

<3