Swim Trunks

It is 10:30pm.

I just finished eating dinner.

I got back from work just a little while ago.

I am so frustrated because today someone decided that they needed to steal my kid's swim trunks.

I had placed them out to try on the railing outside of our room and let them dry, instead of them dripping all over the bathroom. I have seen people do this before, and you know me, I assumed the world is a pretty good place and people are not evil weirdos who would want to take things from children, but someone HAD to go and try to prove me wrong.

Like what the Hell man (or woman)?

They did leave Julien's swim trunks and underwear behind though lol.

I just don't get it.

I loved Gabriel's little red swim trunks with the sunglasses all over them. They were perfect for him.

Blah...

I guess I have bigger concerns to deal with, but just boggles my mind that someone would actually knowingly steal from a child.

Oh and how do we know this happened and they didn't just fall off somewhere? Because, lol, Gabriel watched the whole thing from the window and then went to tell Levi. And after he got done telling Levi, they went out there to see what happened and whoever took them was already gone.

But for real....moving on...

This week is going way too fast, and in ways it is dragging on forever. I wish we were past it already because this whole waiting for a day you don't want to remember thing is just tearing me up in every way you could possibly imagine.

But really, I just wish it wasn't a thing at all.

I wish that I was playing with my son instead of blogging.

I wish I was tired and grumpy because he was fighting sleep and not because I don't want to go sleep because when I go to sleep it brings me a day closer to this horrible anniversary I don't want to get to.

I wish I could be holding him right now and kissing his little cheeks.

I wish I could just, at least, imagine what he should look like right now.

I wish sometimes that I could just be there with him already (don't go freaking out, I know that I have other kids and a husband and a life to live...I haven't forgotten about any of those things).

I just don't understand any of this.

Well, I am going to go eat desert, take a bath, probably cry some more and then possibly write some more.

Just keep praying...

Pray for our world. Pray for my family. Pray for me. And always always, pray for my sweet Elijah.

Oh sweet sweet boy.

I still have this little blanket. I have all your blankets.

But this one had been sitting in your bouncy seat, 

until we put your bouncy seat in storage and moved it into your bag.

This is all so bizarre to me.

So horrible and so wonderful. 

So horrible because here I am almost one year without you, 

but wonderful because before that I was able to know you.

I just miss you so much.

I love you.

<3