I was just telling Levi how I was disappointed because I didn't finish my book today like I planned, and he laughed at me and said it is only like 7:30.
It feels like 11pm. I am so tired.
Today was the first day of the Capture Your Grief photo project. The theme today was sunrise dedication. This my photo and what I wrote:
Day one: Sunrise Dedication.
I am so impatient.
I looked up the sunrise time last night and it said 7am.
So I set my alarm for 6:30 and I rolled out of bed and got dressed in the dark before climbing into the car and driving to find the perfect spot to watch the sunrise for Elijah.
I drove for a while until I came across this bridge, and I thought it was kind of pretty so I stopped. But before 7am , and before the sun was even above the trees I took this picture, listened to the song I picked out and threw this rock with Elijah's name on it into the river below.
Like I said, I'm impatient.
I think the hardest part of grief is the waiting part. I am still Elijah's mom. He is still my son, but now I have to wait my entire life to see him.
If I can't even wait for the sun to rise, you can only imagine how hard it is to live everyday waiting to see him and hold him again.
Anyways, even though I didn't wait for the sun, it was still a beautiful moment. I saw a turtle swimming below me and jet planes dancing in the skies above.
I just miss him.
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Today was pretty relaxed. I painted little acorn tips to look like sunflowers and played with the kids.
Alex and I tried to help Levi with his MMA stuff the best we could, and I am really close to finishing my first Christmas book.
But like I said earlier, I am exhausted. I just feel drained.
So I'm going to cut this blog short, but I will add one prayer request tonight. I don't know all the angelversaries out there and I know I have fallen so far behind on All that I do for The Love, Elijah Project and I am so sorry. But tonight please send positive thoughts and prayers to a family that has been super supportive of my family since Elijah's passing. Today marks 4 years since their boy Cullin went to heaven from SIDS. I like to believe Cullin and Elijah are best buddies up there and that Cullin taught Elijah to send me hearts to let me know he is near. <3
And as always, pray for our world. Pray for my family. Pray for me. And of course, pray for my sweet Elijah.
Thank you.
Hey sweet boy.
Did you see the turtle this morning swimming down the stream?
I wish I could experience those simple joys with you like I have gotten to with your brothers.
I can only imagine the place where you are is filled with joy and wonder, but I can't help but be a little bit selfish and wish you could just be here and share it with me.
I love and miss you so much.
<3
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