Tuesday, November 8, 2016

425: 24 Years

It is 8:43pm.

Julien has a bit of a fever...so please pray for him and send him your well wishes.

And I am sitting here at the kitchen table stressing over the amount of money it takes me to make money.

I was very blessed to have my Christmas Festival fee covered today (hopefully, if all goes well).

But, to have enough books on hand at these events and have everything else I need to be successful, it costs lots of money!

Go ahead and roll your eyes and sigh at me, but I made another gofundme today.

I am only asking to raise $250 and that money will go towards the festival/craft fair fees, table set up, books to have on hand, and things like business cards and other little expenses.

I believe in my little book, and I know it will do well at festivals this holiday season--but a little extra help wouldn't hurt.

Here is the link if you want to help....if not, that is totally understandable too (I know I am needy)...just please pray for me.

https://www.gofundme.com/elithecrawfish

My little webpage isn't doing too hot yet. I haven't had much traffic and I can't afford the advertisement it needs... and I am still kind of working on t-shirt designs, because I don't know if mine are all that great lol.

But all I can do is keep trying.

Today, while out in Cloutierville with my dad, we went to Little Eva's Plantation to see about buying some pecans...

Well, we didn't end up buying any today, but I did talk to them about carrying my book and they are going to put some in their store!!!

I also talked to the lady behind the counter about losing Elijah and having to move back because of my post traumatic stress and anxiety, and she told me she lost a child over 24 years ago and still has anxiety from it.

That is Powerful.

24 years, and she still feels it.

Ya know, I keep reading these posts about people who are angry at other people who get government benefits and housing benefits, and it just breaks my heart that someone out there might think that I am lazy or a mooch, when they REALLY HAVE NO IDEA the amount of stress my body has taken on since losing Elijah and how much it physically affects me. And how I TRIED to work, but how I couldn't because it was just too much for me emotionally and physically.

24 years have passed and this lady STILL feels anxiety.

IT PHYSICALLY HURTS YOU GUYS. YOUR BODY KNOWS YOUR BABY IS MISSING!!!!

I am not just playing book writer and webstore owner for funsies...

Because even if I enjoy it--which I do-- it is my way of trying to help my family and get us on our feet again. And I promise you, I would much rather not be in any of this mess and not need any help.

This is my way of "working" around my anxiety attacks and broken days where I don't want to face the real world. It is my way of just trying to live my life right now.

Sorry to get off on that tangent, but it has been crawling under my skin all day.

Blah.

ANYWAYS-----

Many prayers for our country tonight as we get closer to finding out who the next president is.

And many prayers for who ever becomes the next president. May they make decisions that help our country and the people who live here.

And while your doing all that praying, don't forget to pray for our world. Pray for my family. Pray for me. And always always pray for my sweet Elijah. <3


I don't think they know just how broken I am Elijah.
I know you are here in my heart and you are always near,
but my body and heart know that your little body is no longer near me
and it hurts.
I can't breathe sometimes because it hurts so much.
We are mother and child.
You will always be mine.
And I will miss you until the moment we are reunited.
I love you my boogie 
so so much.
<3










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