Wednesday, January 18, 2017

496: Rain

It is 9:36pm.

It has been another hard day.

I have pulled myself through it and I think I have the issue resolved, and I am very thankful to be on the other side of it now. I am trying to stay positive that tomorrow will be a much better day.

Sometimes when it rains, it pours. But just like always, the sun is still shining behind the clouds.

Today my sunshine was a few good friends who either helped me out, or checked on me in my downpour. And I am so so thankful for them!

Even in the midst of all the craziness, there were some great moments today.

The boys and I picked out some inspirational quotes and used the last bit of ink in my printer to print them out and post them all over our "dining room" wall.

A few of them the boys picked out were:

"Shoot for The Moon, even if you miss, you will land among the stars."

" Failure will never take me if my determination is strong enough to succeed."

" You are Braver than you believe. Stronger that you seem. Smarter than you think. And loved more than you will ever know."

"You will never have this day again, so make it count."

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't."

"Throw me to the wolves and I will return leading the pack."

"It is not whether you get knocked down, it is whether you get back up."

And I printed out a few quotes on kindness too, and also The Four Agreements.

I actually read the book The FourAgreements the night Elijah passed away, or maybe the night after. I don't know. I just remember trying to distract my brain and needing something to keep me from going insane.

Anyways, if you have never heard of The Four Agreements they are:

1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don't take anything personally
3. Don't make assumptions
4. Always do your best.

I could expand on these all night, but if you do a google search, you can find plenty of images and articles that will do that for you too lol. Maybe this is something I will come back to though, because I really do feel like these little rules can change your life.

If you haven't read the book, I strongly suggest it. It has helped me in some pretty hard moments. It is a very easy read. <--This coming from someone who usually takes anywhere from 3 months to 2 years to read even some of her favorite books.

Today I also got to bring the kids to the little aquarium in town and they loved it. It was a nice little relaxed moment of this otherwise crazy day... so I am thankful for that too.

SOOOOOO... Let's get back to the question I asked the other day! How many of you did something you always wanted to do, but never had?  I want to hear about it if you did!

Today I kind of did. I put some effort towards it anyways. I am keeping this one to myself for now so I can keep it surrounded in good vibes and protect it from any naysayers, but maybe I will tell you guys later ;)

Tomorrow's challenge is to talk to someone you haven't talked to in a while and just ask how they are doing. And then really listen. I will do the same.

Hope you all have a good night and sweet dreams. Praying that everyone has a better day tomorrow, including myself lol.

Please keep praying for our world. Pray for my family. Pray for me. Pray for you! And always always pray for my sweet sweet Elijah!

Thank you so much.


I don't know if I have ever thanked you for being such a perfect baby.
You were such a joy and I am so sorry that I didn't spend enough time with you.
I always thought there would be more time, 
and that we would bond when we had a chance.
But I knew that you loved me.
I knew that you adored me.
I wish we could find a way to spend more time together.
I wish we could find a way get rid of all of these boundaries that keep us apart.
I just want to see the smile on your face, and not in pictures.
I want to kiss your little toes and make you laugh.
I want to hold you on my chest and kiss your cheeks.
I want to hear you try to talk to me.
I just want it all back.
And if I could have anything,
I mean anything in the world.
It would be to have you back with me 
right now.
They always say that we would be so lucky to go to Heaven when we die,
but I think Heaven is lucky to have you.
I miss you so much Elijah.
Every single day.
Every single minute.
Every single nanosecond.

I just miss you.

I love you always.
<3






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