I am currently listening to some "happy relaxing guitar music" on my youtube because I am trying ANYTHING to fix my 5 year old's melt downs and attitude problems lately. I am hoping a combination of calming music and night time meditation will help some.
(Before you read any further, please know that it takes a lot of bravery for me to talk about my children's behavior problems. I love my children more than anything and strive to be the best mom I can possibly be. My children are well taken care of and well loved by both myself and my husband, even when we make mistakes or aren't perfect.)
Gabriel is so defiant and so strong willed, and his ups and downs are all over the place. Lately, it has been exhausting.
I had to put him to bed super early tonight because I don't know what else to do with him. Sometimes, even after trying EVERYTHING he still does not listen.
We had to leave the library's art class tonight because him and Julien (my 7 year old) were just not listening--this on top of many other behavioral problems today.
I know that Gabriel is having to readjust again..and I know that me moving him again is a HUGE part of his behavioral issues. I am taking full blame for that.
But the whole point of moving on to this bus is that it is 100% ours. Whether we move from my dad's back yard or not, we will not have to leave our little sanctuary (until we choose to). It is our home now and soon it will be a beautiful place to live that will wrap my kids in love as they grow and learn how to appreciate the simple things in life.
(Hold on...Julien wants to read a book with me before he goes to sleep. He was reading on his own and changed his mind. Not that you would know that I am gone from the computer I guess...lol).
Parenting is hard, but parenting children who have experienced such tragedy so young is even harder. My kids have experienced more in their little lives than any kid should and I hate it for them. I only hope that they know that I have loved them through all of it and I really am just trying to do the best I can.
Alright, it is time for me to get kiddos to bed. I also need a shower.
If you are a parent who has had a rough day, big hugs to you for getting through it. Big Big hugs!!!
Love to you all. Go out there and change the world.
There was just a Facebook question that asked,
"What would you ask for if you knew the answer was yes?"
I said I wanted 10 million dollars,
but really the answer would be to have you back.
It is really sad that it is more possible for me to obtain 10 million dollars
than it is to have my own son back.
I love and miss you so much Elijah.
I would give anything to have these "bad days" with you too.
Good night my boogie.
<3
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