621: Open and Honest

It is 10:01pm.

I have been on an emotional roller coaster lately.

The littlest things have been setting me off...and I have been freaking out over everything...

and I'm pretty sure I know why.

We are getting super close to Elijah's birthday, and you guys...last year it was a super hard day for me. I think it was even harder than the anniversary of his death.

And even on the days I convince myself that I am okay, my body knows it is coming and my heart and my soul are hurting.

I'm really not trying to be all mopey and sad... but the hard reality is that sometimes I am. Even though I am trying my best to be a positive person and inspire others to be positive --my life is not all sunshines and rainbows all the time.

I have always been open and honest about my grief, and this is where I am today.

But we did get some good news today too! Levi got a job. It is a job where he can make his own hours and work as much or as little as he'd like. He will be doing lawn work for a man in shreveport.

When he told me I started crying I was so relieved that we would have a little bit of help coming in because right now we are just barely paying our bills and getting gas in our cars.

So I really am thankful, and know that we are blessed..and I want you guys to know that too. I am not blind to the good things going on in our lives. But there will some times where it is is just hard..and his birthday is one of them.

Anyways, I am ready for a nice hot bath and maybe some sleep.

Please keep Elijah's birthday in mind. It is June 5th and it is coming up quick. We are asking everyone to do an act of kindness in memory of him and sharing it on social media with the hashtag #loveelijah. You can also tag me or levi in the picture if you would like.

It is going to be a REALLY hard day and I would love your support. No money is needed. Just lots of love in memory of Elijah. Thank you.

Good night you guys. Sending you all love. Go change the world and be amazing.

Please keep praying for our world. Pray for our country. Pray for my family. Pray for me. Pray for you! And always always pray for my sweet Elijah.

Also, my dad (and 1/2 my neighborhood) has to go to court tomorrow morning. Please send some prayers to him and everyone else who will be there. Thanks some more.

I don't know what we are going to do to celebrate your birthday this year,

or where we will even be.

Just know that if I had all the money in the world,

I would throw a party for everyone to come and celebrate you.

And I would pass out presents to people in memory of you.

Because you are worth the biggest and best celebration.

I love and miss you so much Elijah.

Always.

<3