634: Terrible Twos

It is 9:44pm.

Terrible Twos.

Terrible twos has nothing on celebrating your child's second birthday only to wake up another day without him here in your arms.

I would take a terribly two day any day over the way my morning started today. But I'm not going to get into that right now...

I just wish I knew.

I wish I knew what he would be like now.

What he would want to play with.

What his hair and eyes were like.

What his laugh and cry was like.

What his shoe size would be.

He was a monster, so I can only imagine his clothing size would run large.

Would he be a nightmare to potty train?

What would be his favorite food?

What would be his favorite snack?

Would he get along with his brothers?

Would he be another momma's boy? Or would he be closer to Levi?

I know the "what ifs" and "what could have beens" will only drown you and to be better you should really live in the present moment if you want to be better...and I do want to be better...but it is not always easy.

Sometimes I just miss him more than words can explain and my heart doesn't really care what my mind has to say about "being better."

So tonight I will indulge my pity party for one and I will wonder about all the "what ifs" and "what would have beens" and I will probably cry some more...

And maybe tomorrow will be the day I change the world (just a little bit more).

Alright, the kids aren't here and it is so quiet my mind could explode. I need to put on a movie or something to distract myself from life before I go insane.

Sending you all lots of love. Go out there and change the world for Elijah! Thank you so much for reading.

Please keep praying for our world. Pray for our country. Pray for my family. Pray for me. Pray for you! And always always pray for my sweet Elijah.

Thank you.

I love and miss you more each day.

I sometimes wonder how I am going to make it through this entire life 

before I see you again.

It won't be easy.

But while I am here I will do my best to change this world for you,

because a promise is a promise after all.

Good night my boogie.

<3