1013: Talk

It is 9:49pm.

I am attempting to listen to ebooks on my laptop, but it just not the same as walking or driving and listening to them. I am going to have to work on this.

First book on the list, "The Whole Brain Child." So far, so good.

Oh gosh, now it is 10:14pm.

Julien and I just had a long talk about missing Bob (the cat), O.P. (the dog), and Elijah. Lots of emotions in a little body.

I have been really overwhelmed as a mom lately. Which is really weird, because I used to think I was such a good mom. I also used to work endless hours and have Disney World and Sea World at my disposal for entertainment...so there is that too. Now I am at home with them ALL the time and struggle to find ways to hold their attention, or get them to "behave."

You might be reading this and asking "aren't you a life coach?" shouldn't you have your crap together? Well, here is the thing...no one really has it ALL together. We are humans. We do the best we can. Me being a life coach means I can pull lessons out of my madness, love myself even when I struggle in some areas, and am compassionate enough to help others through their struggles.

IT IS OKAY TO NOT BE PERFECT!!!!!

Anyways, I am glad I had the moment to talk to Julien. Talking about something that upsets you can be...well...upsetting...but it is vital to healing. I don't remember where, but I remember reading or hearing about a therapist who made their clients talk through their trauma over and over and over again, remembering every single detail, feeling it all. While this might seem incredibly cruel, what it does is train the brain to rationalize the fear so that is becomes an event in our life we can learn from, instead of an underlying anxiety and fear that we will have to fight off every single day.

I am not always the most calm mom. I am working on this. I am trying to be more present in my children's life. But tonight, talking to Julien about these things that bother him, I think I made a tiny bit of progress. All I can do is continue to talk. Bring him to therapy, and let him know that he is loved for who he is.

Alright, I am going to get some sleep. I think....

Sending you all lots of love. Go change the world, do it for Elijah.

Thank you.

Oh sweet boy.

We love you so much.

And we all miss you dearly.

Always.

<3