What are we supposed to do with days like these? The reminders of our worst days ever...
The build up to today was probably worse than the actual day, but nothing ever really makes the pain of living Elijah any better or worse--not even a significant day.
It has been 3 years since we last held our baby boy, and it feels like both no time has passed and a million years have passed. I wish I had some big extravagant speech to give to you guys, but today I don't.
Today, we ate sweet and sour chicken today to honor Elijah. On one of Elijah's last days, we went out to eat at a Chinese buffet and snuck Elijah a little taste of sweet and sour sauce.
My fortune cookie today said, "Giving will make you smile." I like to think this was a message from Elijah.
Alex and I took the door off Elijah's little library and brought it home to work on, and then we spent a good bit of time using paint thinner and scraping off the old art work before it started to rain.
Then, Levi and I went and placed a bouquet of flowers (with a single sunflower) in Sibley lake.
None of this was the big "to-do" I wanted, but I guess we made the best of what we had to work with.
Thank you to all of you who showed love and support today. I know I haven't responded to many of you yet, it has just been kind of an emotional time and I'm just hanging in here the best I can. But your words mean the world to me. Thank you for thinking of Elijah today and always.
How in the world have I survived 3 years without you?
I don't even know how I survived that first day.
Today was not what I wanted,
but even if it was the day I wanted
it would never really be
because you aren't here with me.
I miss every little thing about you.
I will never ever forget you.
You are my boogie always and forever.
I will change the world for you Elijah.
I promise.
It may take me all the years I have left on this Earth,
but I will do it
because I love you.
Always.
<3
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