It's been one month since the worst day of my entire life.
For my "capture your grief" Instagram project I am doing, I am supposed to make a wishlist.
I'm not even sure what I am supposed to wish for.
If there were magic powers, of course, I would wish for Elijah back.
I think my wish list right now is that Elijah is at peace. That he is happy. That he knows we love him, and that one day we are going to be together again.
My hopes are more along the line of keeping his name alive and making sure people remember him- not just right now, but forever.
I want to build a museum in his name.
I want to use my Love, Elijah project as the platform for the museum.
That is my first major goal.
It will be a place where I can display all the artwork and letters that people requested to share. It will be a happy place that will resemble what I imagine heaven would look like to a child.
It will have a garden with an area to light candles in memory of all children gone too soon.
I will hold retreats in this garden. I will hold support groups. I will form a random acts of kindness group for grieving parents.
I will do all of this in Elijah's memory.
He is so so important to me. He matters. And so do all the other babies who never got to see another tomorrow.
Right now, I have to figure out how to get there. Right now I am just focusing on getting my Love, Elijah Project started successfully.
I am about to write a "guest blog" for Suspended Coffees. I don't know when it will be published yet. Once I know I will let you all know.
I pray that my words make sense, and inspire parents to be brave and share their stories.
Feel free to say a prayer for me, or send good vibes. I am nervous.
And always, pray for Elijah.
Elijah,
What I would do to go back that morning and just take you with me. You might still be here if I had.
The fact is, it is not a blame game. It is something that is beyond our control, and it sucks.
I just want you to know that I am still your mom and I am still here for you. Anytime you miss me, you just let me know and I will always be here. I love and miss you so so much.
Kelly thank you for keeping us posted. Once, I was visiting a cemetery and went to investigate a large angel statue that was separate. Turns out it was surrounded by little stone lambs. It was a special area for the graves of and monuments to babies and children. It felt like a really sweet peaceful place and I imagine that for some parents it provided the sort of community grief and healing that your mailbox project aims to do. Reading about your project reminded me of the feeling i got that day in the cemetery. Bc it created a sacred space just for the children who had passed and a special place for parents to visit. You are creating a sacred space for mothers and fathers to express their loss and love, too. When people come together, even anonymously, powerful things happen. I truly believe it. I know your projects are going to have the impact you hope for. Sending love to Elijah, you, and your family! - S
ReplyDelete